Midnight Sun Continued
by JT3883
Summary: Midnight Sun continued where Stephenie Meyer's beginning ended. Still under construction...
1. Chapter 1

_Ok, So I started reading the Twilight Series because I saw the first trailer for the movie in august. I inhaled the series in less than a week, and pretty much was obsessed. Since then, I'm pretty sure I've read each of the books 3 times, and I was so excited by the up and coming Midnight Sun novel. When the leak came out on the internet and Stephenie Meyer posted it on her website and said she was going to take a hiatus from continuing it, I could totally understand how violated she felt. So being pathetically desperate for another hit of my twilight fix ( I truly relate to the 'You're my kind of heroin' remark!) So I took things into my own hands an decided to continue on writing it on my own. So I want to give credit to Stephenie Meyer, being that I followed along with her novel. She has inspired me to pick up the pen (or Laptop) and write again. She has been inspirational to me and I don't think I could ever repay that. So here it is. The beginning of my very first fanfic. It begins where Stephenie's pages left off._

_Enjoy and review it for me! Thanks!_

_Jessica_

**Midnight Sun**

I waited outside in the trees that night, waiting for a sign that she was asleep. When I was sure all was still, I stealthily scaled the wall to her window. I slid in through the window ever so carefully and into the rocker in the corner. She lay there, still, motionless. If I hadn't have been able to hear her heart fluttering, I would swear she was dead. She didn't talk in her sleep tonight. How I wished she would though. I longed to hear her say my name. I leaned back in the rocker and quietly hummed the lullaby I had composed. The lullaby I wrote for her. Bella's Lullaby. I examined the stack of CDs next to the almost ancient boom box in the corner. I was surprised to find a very eclectic mix of classical and modern rock. Either she had gone to bed late or the dawn broke all too soon. I slipped back from which I came, into the haze of dawn.

I ran home, the trees and moss merely a green streak in my peripheral. I quickly changed my clothes and made my way to the garage. _In a hurry?_ Alice directed at me and smiled smugly. _I hope you enjoyed your night_. I smirked back at her and continued out to the garage. I fully expected to see my Aston Martin dissected on the floor. Rose was avoiding me like I had a disease. But I didn't care. It saved me from her shallow self absorbed thoughts for a while. Surprisingly, my prized car was still in immaculate condition. I slid into the Volvo and started up the engine. I listened to it purr as I selected the perfect CD. I wondered for a moment, what did she like? I know Debussy seemed to be a great starting point, but I could not wait to know more about her. I slung a copy of Debussy piano music into the player, cranked the heater, and headed towards her. As my car approached the house I saw the police cruiser parked along the brick drive. I slowed my car to what felt like a crawl, threw it into reverse and backed into a small clearing in the woods. I could hear the Chief asking Bella about her trip to Seattle. I could tell by his tone, he didn't like her going alone. Little did he know her plans had since changed. I heard the door close on the cruiser and the engine come to a roar and pull away. My car sprang to life and crept up the path into the cruisers parking spot. I saw the curtains move in the top left window of the house. My throat was already smoldering with the anticipation of Bella. I heard the front door of the house close. She was coming. I could hear her heart fluttering already. Fluttering with anticipation I hoped. I turned to watch her open the door, a smile crept across my face. She was a vision in brown. It complimented her warm eyes, and her bouncing brunette hair.

"Good Morning." I said to her. "How are you today?" I studied her face trying to read her like a book. Her face turned a soft pale pink. I could hear her heart flutter faster as she slid into the passenger seat.

"Good, thank you." She said with a hint of excitement in her voice. She smiled sweetly at me and I noticed the small bags under her eyes. She must have been up later than I had thought.

"You look tired."

"I couldn't sleep," she confessed. This was quite the opposite scene I had observed when I was in her room.

"Neither could I." I teased her as I started up the engine.

"I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did." She quipped .

"I'd wager you did."

"So what did you do last night?" she asked me innocently. I chuckled to think what she would think if I told her I spent my night in her room watching her chest rise and fall, her hair fan out across her pillow, taking in her addicting perfume. But it wasn't her turn to ask questions, it was mine.

"Not a chance, it's my day to ask questions."

"Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?" She asked, inviting me into her open book. Little did she know, I wanted to know it all. I wanted to know about everything that made her Bella.

"What's your favorite color?" I asked her, waiting, watching for her petal pink lips move in response.

"It changes from day to day." She replied as she rolled her eyes at me. Was my question offensive to her? Did she think me to be juvenile?

"What's your favorite color today?" I asked again trying to keep my composure.

"Probably brown."

"Brown?" Why brown? It seemed like such a dull color. Mundane, the color of dirt. This girl continued to puzzle me with every reply. If I could only get into her head.

"Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown – tree trunks, rocks, dirt – is all covered up with squashy green here." Squashy stuff. Her little euphemisms made a smile creep across my face. She made a valid point. Brown was a color that was supposed to be all around, but in turn was covered nearly everywhere with vast shades of green carpeting. She was very observant, this human girl was. After all she discovered me for what I am.

"Your right," I conceded. "Brown is warm." I looked into her warm brown eyes and reached over with my hand and moved her long brown hair from her shoulder. Her beauty was breathtaking to me. Oh, how I wanted to touch her more. But I still needed to watch myself carefully, so as not to slip up.

We reached the school parking lot and I pulled into a space. "What music is in your CD player right now?" I asked her, fully knowing the answer and feeling slightly guilty about it, but hoping for a reason to the diverse subject matter.

"Linkin Park." She answered looking slightly embarrassed. I smirked at her knowing that I had planned ahead for this and already added the CD to my collection in the car. I flipped open the CD compartment in the dash and produced the exact CD and handed it to her, careful not to touch her skin with my ashen cold hands.

"Debussy to this?" I teased. I turned off the engine and exited the vehicle. I crossed the front of the car to open her door but she was much too quick for me. We crossed the parking lot and I continued to quiz her about every aspect of her life. I wanted to know everything. What made her tick? What made her heart race? I walked her to class. Hearing peoples thoughts as we walked down the hall together. Jessica Stanley and her backstabbing thoughts, _she isn't really that pretty_, and Mike Newton, _I don't know what she sees in Cullen but I bet I could kick his ass_. It took all my strength not to tear him limb from limb. I went through the daily motions anticipating seeing her again. I couldn't wait to hear what she had to tell me next. I waited for her outside her Spanish class to take her to lunch. When she exited the classroom her delicious smell overwhelmed my senses. My throat burned for her. The burn was so sweet. As I escorted her down the hall to the cafeteria I began my incessant questioning again. "Favorite movie?" I asked.

"Well, I don't really have a favorite movie. I just kind of watch what I'm in the mood for." She answered. We proceeded through the lunch line, further perpetuating the lie that I could stand to eat the garbage they served to us. We made our way to our usual table. Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice continued to sit away at another table. I quickly scanned their thoughts. Rosalie and Jasper were still unconvinced. Emmett was still waiting for me to go for her jugular. Alice is still begging to come over and introduce herself. She could be awfully annoying for someone so small. But I wasn't ready to share my Bella yet. My Bella.

"What's your favorite gemstone?" I prodded once more. Perhaps it could lead to acquiring a gift that would accent her beauty.

"Topaz," she responded quickly while turning an impeccable shade of crimson, sparking my curiosity. Why would she be embarrassed over that?

"Tell me," I commanded curiously.

"It's the color of your eyes today," she sighed. "I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx." I didn't know what to say to that. It was the utmost form of flattery and she was dazzling me much as she said I dazzled her.

"What kinds of flowers do you prefer?" I solicited. Perhaps I would fill her room with the most fragrant flora I could find. Maybe it would flatter her the same way she had just flattered me.

"The kind that doesn't make us late for Biology." She answered coyly, smirked and gathered her things. I collected the tray and deposited in the trash as we headed out the door towards biology. Again I deeply inhaled her sweet fragrance. It hurt so good. I continued quizzing her until Mr. Banner turned off the lights. Finally I had to slide my chair away from her. I was feeling my control slipping. The appeal was increasing. I gripped the side of the table. Carlisle had to be a saint for withstanding the temptation everyday. But it wasn't the temptation to taste her; it was the temptation to touch her with my ice cold hands. To hold her warm hands in mine, to press my lips against hers. But this was temptation I didn't need. I was afraid I would lose all self control. I still didn't trust myself. I could tell it was killing her as well. She glanced at me uncomfortably, left her hand available on the table top in case I changed my mind. When she realized that I wasn't going to change, she uncomfortably adjusted herself and finally rested her chin on her arms. I hated to reject her advances but I was afraid what might happen if I didn't. I gripped the edge of the table hard I felt the wood start to give way and turn to powder in my fingers. Her scent was intoxicating. It burned my nose and throat. In the darkness of the room it was hard to focus on much else. I needed to hang on for the hour. I had the will; I just had yet to master the way.

I was relieved when Mr. Banner flicked the lights on. I looked over at Bella. Her milky white skin had a hint of pink in her cheeks. How easy it would be to let myself go. To go against everything Carlisle stood for and take her. My throat was on fire now. I had to get away. I would escort her to gym and make a break for it. It felt like I was trying to run from her again. I could never decide whether to run from her or to her. It would be best for her if I ran away, but she had a gravitational pull I could not get away from. It was as if she was the sun to my solar system. I rose to my feet and waited for her to take her leave and I followed her out the door. I strolled with her in silence to the gym. I had so many more questions to ask her, but was truly afraid of taking a deep breath in her presence. When we reached the double doors, she turned to look at me as if she was going to say something. I couldn't resist her any longer, I had to touch her. I gazed into her eyes and carefully traced her face with the back of my hand. With that I quickly took my leave. I needed fresh air. As much as I cared for her, her scent injured my fragile grip on reality. I reached my Spanish class and took a deep cleansing breath. The fire seemed to extinguish with her gone. But I found myself longing for the burn like it was an addictive drug. It was becoming a good kind of burn. I sat next to Emmett and pretended like I was listening to the lecture.

_Haven't fallen of the wagon yet?_ Emmett thought. I rolled my eyes at him. _I don't understand how you're managing man. I'd be under the wagon by now._ I continued trying to ignore Emmett, pretending to be focused on the class at hand.

I lingered outside of the gym for Bella, waiting to find out if she had maimed anyone with a shuttlecock or racquet today. I was hoping Mike might have walked out with a black eye courtesy of Bella's lack of coordination. No such luck however as Mike exited the gym without any visible injuries on his body. His thoughts were callous and crude. I could have inflicted a few injuries of my own if she hadn't walked out the door. I met her with a wide smile. How I loved to see her stunning face and how it lit up when she saw me and hear how I sent her heart a flutter. I was ok again. I felt like learning more about her, then maybe I would finally be able to hear her thoughts.

"What do you miss about Phoenix?" I asked her.

"My mom mostly," she answered me back.

"Not the sun or the heat?" I questioned. I figured this would almost certainly be one of her answers.

"No, I think I've found something better than the sun and warmth here," She replied, meeting my gaze and giving me a bright smile. We got into the car and I continued to ask her questions about Phoenix and her mother and Phil. We parked in her driveway for hours as I gathered as much information as I could about her.

"Are you finished?" She asked me half mocking me in the process.

"Not even close – but your father will be home soon." I reminded her, sadden by the thought of leaving her.

"Charlie! How late is it?" she asked amazed that we had spent so much time talking. "How late is it?"

"It's twilight," I muttered. I didn't really want to let her go. "It's the safest time of the day for us" I replied. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of one day, the return of night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" I smiled at her.

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." She countered and frowned. "Not that you see them much here anyways." Her sad puppy eyes and pouty lips made me chuckle. It was childish and sweet. I wanted to move the clouds for her so she could watch the stars.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday…" I harassed her, hoping she would say yes. Charlie knowing about us would give me encouragement to be on my best behavior.

"Thanks, but no thanks," she replied as she gathered her things. "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

"Certainly not!" I tormented her. "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?" I grinned. I couldn't imagine ever being done with her. I felt like I hadn't even touched her surface.

"What more is there?"

"You'll find out tomorrow." I answered, mockingly. I could hear her heart take off as I reached across her to open her car door and I inhaled a little. My hunger was becoming immune to her floral bouquet. The fire in my throat smoldered as I grabbed the door handle. "Not good." I said aloud as my jaw clenched.

"What is it?" She asked with a concerned look creeping across her face.

I looked into her eyes and glumly said "Another complication." I wanted to press my chilly lips on hers, run my fingers through her auburn hair, and trace her features with my fingers. _Control yourself Edward,_ I thought to myself. I flung the door open for her. I didn't want her to go but Charlie was getting near. I recoiled quickly to save her from myself. Headlights from the road flashed through the rain. "Charlie's around the corner," I warned her. She hopped out quickly, examining the vehicle parked by the curb. I looked at the other vehicle and was not pleased by what I saw. It was time to leave and leave expeditiously. I felt bad leaving the way I did, but I had to go. I revved my engine and squealed my tires out of there. I would see Bella later in the evening. I had to get away from the Queluetes as quickly as I could. I headed towards home; the car was going so fast it felt like it was gliding on the rain.

I wondered what they would tell Bella about me. Nothing she didn't already know I'm sure. I wasn't worried about Bella revealing our secret either. Would they tell the Chief? If they did he would most certainly keep her from me and we would have to leave again. I couldn't leave her. She was becoming a part of me. I wanted to turn back, to sit outside and listen, but I knew I could trust Bella. Besides, I needed to go home, check in with Carlisle and Esme. I know they were concerned with the amount of time I was spending with Bella. I didn't need to read their thoughts to know that. My car slowed as I pulled up the sheltered drive. I parked my car in the garage and wandered into the house, my thoughts with Bella and her sweet smell lighting bonfires in my gullet. I swept into the house and placed myself in front of the piano and began to play the lullaby that I was becoming so fond of. This girl was becoming my muse and her lullaby my theme. It was becoming all I could hear when she was around. _Welcome home._ I heard Alice. _Did you have a nice day with Bella?_ I nodded to her. _Your song_ _is beautiful. She'll love it_. Little know it all, but I hoped she was right. Esme floated down the stairs towards me. She slid next to me on the piano bench and began to lightly tickle the ivories along with me.

"Edward," she said. "My son, I'm so glad to see you are so happy again. However, I have one request."

"Yes Esme?"

"Bring her home to meet us." She asked implored. "If she means the world to you, I promise you she means the world to us."

"I will, when the time is right." I promised her. "I know she will love you too."

"Just don't wait to long." Esme said as she got up and kissed the top of my head. As she exited the room I tried to imagine what it would be like to bring Bella to our home. What would she think of us? Would it become reality to her that we don't spend our evenings in a bed, or that our dining room table was never eaten at. It was a chance I was going to have to take eventually. I continued to play until Emmett and Jasper came traipsing through the room. _What a puppy_, Emmett mocked me in silence. _To think letting a human girl ruffle his feathers_! Jasper was more mindful of his thoughts, which probably weren't very pleasant towards me, I 'm sure.

"We're going hunting," Emmett extended an olive branch. "Wanna come?"

"I would," I accepted. After all I was going to need all the strength I could get to spend all day Saturday with Bella. Plus it would give me the opportunity to talk to Jasper. I got up from the piano and followed them out the door. Soon the world around me was a blur as we flew through the woods.

"Smell that?" Emmett froze. "Grizzlies." A smile crept across his face.

"Wait, let's talk about this." I beseeched them. "I know you're angry with me, but you know I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have here. I would never put any of you in danger."

"What's going on here Edward?" Jasper began. "Why is this human girl, so important to you? Why can't you just walk away? She knows what we are now. What's to stop her from outing us?"

"She wouldn't do that."

"But how do you know?" he replied. "She isn't one of us. What happens when we have to move again? What happens if there's an accident? Think with your head Edward! This isn't safe!"

"I know!" I admitted with frustration in my voice. I paused, collecting myself and my thoughts before I began again. "I know. Don't you think that I've tried to stay away? Don't you think I know it isn't safe for her to be with me? I don't know what it is about this girl. Her scent infiltrates my defenses. It singes me like no fire ever could. It takes everything that I have to keep myself under control. Do you know how that feels? Have you ever smelled a scent so tempting, so enticing…" I broke off. I was embarrassed. How could I explain it to Jasper and Emmett? I could hear Jazz thinking about what I said. _I feel that temptation everyday. Finally, someone else. _ He thought. I felt guilty for putting this on him. He was the newest member to our family and dealt with the most temptation. But he seemed to understand.

"I understand that you don't feel as strong as usual, but I can't relate to the feeling. I don't think I've ever felt that. And if I had, I probably would ruin it for us all." Jasper countered my poor me speech.

"I've been there. Well, not quite there." Emmett cut in. "I was hunting once. It was a long time ago, before Jasper and Alice joined us. Back when we were in Virginia, Minnesota. I was surrendering to my senses, tracking a moose that had become separated from its pack. As I was running I crossed the most seductive trail I had ever smelled in my entire existence. I'll never forget it. It smelled of apples and apple blossoms. So I followed it. I shouldn't have, but I let myself be curious. I came across some hikers. There were 3 of them, two men and a woman." The tone of his voice changed. It got quieter, more of a hushed tone as he continued. "I watched them from a distance, trying to decipher where the unbelievable aroma was coming from. As I observed, I realized it was the woman. I watched and waited. I couldn't break away. I realized they were lost and a little disoriented. So I waited for dark. Once they had settled in and began to fall asleep I took a chance. I slipped into their camp, snapped both men's necks in less than 5 seconds and took her for my own. I'm not going to get into the details of it all, but it was by far the best and worst experience I've ever had." He looked down at his feet. "I've never been so ashamed of myself." Emmett's voice washed out. He was still ashamed of his actions. But I could tell how much he truly enjoyed it. I could almost taste the blood lust in his mind. How her blood sang only for him. How it called his name with every pulse. I felt sorry for his anguish. "Grizzly," Emmett snarled and escaped into the woods.

"I think I love her." I blurted out. Did that just come out of my mouth? Was it true? Of course it was true. I wouldn't have said it otherwise. "And besides, Alice doesn't see it going that way. She told us that they would be friends. Plus Bella hasn't sold us out by now, she won't do it."

"You really care for her?" Jasper questioned me. "Would you sacrifice yourself for her?"

"I would," I said with confidence.

"Then take my blessing," he approved. "But don't sacrifice us for her in the process."

"I would never." I assured him and shook his hand.

"Awe! Are you two going to kiss and make up now?" Emmett taunted from a hiding place among the bushes. Jasper and I crouched to an attack stance. No sooner did he emerge, we used the opportunity to pounce on him. When the light was completely beneath the horizon and our thirst was quenched, I was ready to see Bella again. I ran to her with out stopping; driven by a force greater than I could have ever imagined.

I spent many nights in her room watching her slumber. Tonight was no different than the rest. I watched her toss and turn, kicking her covers off in the process, then ever so carefully tucking her back in careful not to touch her and wake her with my frigid fingers. _Boy, that would be a fun one to explain. _I thought to myself suppressing a chuckle. I was getting more daring however. With each night I found myself getting closer and closer to her bed. Tomorrow was Friday. One more dreaded day of high school, then I would hunt again, so as to be extra prepared for Saturday. I slipped out her window at dawn and darted home, ready for my Bella fix.

I waited for the police cruiser to pull out before I parked in the driveway. I rolled the windows down and killed the engine. My throat ached in anticipation. With the windows down her fragrant freesia scent would reach me sooner, but also be less intense. _Mind over matter, Edward_, I told myself. I didn't look to see the door of the house open, as soon as she stepped out, her scent overtook me. My esophagus exploded instantly into flames. I inhaled her enthralling aroma with my eyes closed for a minute, turning to see her comfortably climb into the passenger seat. I couldn't help but smile at her. I could hear her heart fluttering for me. She stared back at me for a moment, watching and waiting. "How did you sleep?" I asked her.

"Fine. How was your night?" She inquired.

"Pleasant," I spoke as my secret slumber parties caused me to smile at her again.

"Can I ask you what you did?" She was curious.

"No," I taunted with a wider grin. _Sure, I sneak into your room every night just to watch you sleep and listen to you say my name._ I'm not that stupid. "Today is still mine." I asked her more questions about her family, mostly about her mother. I wanted to know about her life before Forks. Finally, I asked her about her old boyfriends. Not that I truly wanted to know, but yet a part of me did. Heaven help them if they hurt her. The conversation did not last long. She hadn't dated anyone of any consequence, and turned a gorgeous shade of pink when she talked about it.

"So you never met anyone you wanted?" I asked, concerned I might be on the list, long or short.

"Not in Phoenix," She answered coyly looking down to her feet then up to my face for a reaction. I shouldn't have wanted her to want me, but I did. I wanted her to want me more than any other, because that's how much I was beginning to want her. What was I getting myself into? What was I getting her into? We found our usual table in the cafeteria and sat down, sharing the same tray as always.

"I should have let you drive yourself today." I awkwardly replied. I didn't know how to answer her, so I found it best to avoid the question all together.

"Why?" she demanded.

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh," she said in a disappointed tone. I felt horrible disappointing her, but I needed to hunt. "That's ok, it's not that far of a walk."

Did she really think so little of me? "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me," She sighed still disappointed. "I really don't mind walking." Like I would make this fragile creature walk! She would probably cross a street, trip on a rock, and Tyler Crowley would finish the job this time. I just shook the thought out of my head.

"Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition – unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I chuckled at the thought of someone trying to speed away in her jalopy. They'd hit the freeway running, at a top speed of 55 mph.

"Alright," she agreed, pressing her lips together in a smug, don't taunt me, smirk. "So where are you going?"

"Hunting," I responded. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." I paused. _I should leave now. Go far away to keep her safe_. I needed to give her an out. "You can always cancel you know," I pleaded with her. She looked away from my gaze. Like she was about to admit I was right. I held my breath, waiting for her to break my already stone cold heart.

"No," She whispered, looking me in the eyes with out fear. "I can't." I was glad she said that but I also feared for her safety.

"Perhaps you're right," I mumbled with a hint of worry in my voice.

She quickly changed the subject before I could change my mind again. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" She asked.

I thought about it for a second. "That depends… it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?"

"No." She answered before I could even finish my sentence. She was so earger to see me it was flattering and made me smile.

"The same time as usual then," I decided. "Will Charlie be there?" I was hoping he would be. It would give me good reason to make sure I brought her home safe. It would keep the monster at bay.

"No, he's fishing tomorrow." This made me worry again. The monster in me cheered.

My voice became harsh and sharp. "And if you don't come home what will he think?" I was becoming nervous.

"I have no idea," she replied. "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer." She joked. This was not a time for humor. Part of me hated that she did not fear me. She did not understand the danger she was putting herself or my family in. I scowled at her and she scowled right back. She was less than intimidating, in fact it was kind of cute how hard she tried.

"What are you hunting tonight?" She asked as she dropped her scowl.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far."

"Why are you going with Alice?" She inquired.

"Alice is the most… supportive." I said less than enthused.

"And the others?" She asked timidly. "What are they?"

How would I answer that with out hurting her feelings? I furrowed my brow as I thought about how I would answer that. "Incredulous, for the most part." She looked over her shoulder at my family. None of them looked directly at her, pretending to mind their own business. But I could see them plain as day, and more importantly hear them too.

"They don't like me," She spoke softly.

"That's not it," I disagreed with her. She was wrong, well mostly wrong. Rosalie didn't like her, and Jasper and Emmett had become indifferent yet they just couldn't understand. Alice loved Bella. Alice was dying to come over to the table, sit down and strike up a conversation. Alice could see Bella in our lives, in my life, and she understood it better that I did. "They don't understand why I cant leave you alone."

"Neither do I, for that matter," she said. As if she didn't know. How could she not see herself the way I did. She was so unselfish and kind, her inner beauty reflecting in her appearance. I rolled my eyes in her direction, trying to hide my frustration with her self image.

"I told you- you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me." I spoke as my eyes made contact with hers and I smiled at her. She glared back at me. I wished I knew what she was thinking. "Having the advantages that I do, I have a better grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you… never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise." She looked away from me. Had I embarrassed her? Or was I just upsetting her? I had to try to clear up the miscommunication. "That part is easy enough to explain," I continued, tracing her face with my eyes, hoping for some sign of her feelings. "But there's more… and it's not so easy to put into words." My voice trailed off. I noticed her looking back at my family now. I could sense Rose now. She glared coldly at Bella, meeting her gaze. _She's not one of us and you're going to ruin all that we have by killing her. She's going to ruin everything. She's not worth this. Stupid human. She'd have been better off dead._ I glared back at Rosalie, letting a deep hiss escape from my gullet. Rose looked away and I could tell Bella was relieved. Bella looked back at me, with confused and worried eyes. I needed to comfort her.

"I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see… it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" My voice trailed off again as I thought about the two outcomes Alice had seen. Bella's blood red eyes and glistening pale cold skin. Though I was sure she'd be a beautiful addition to our family, I would not allow that to happen. I could not allow that to happen. I would not take her soul from her. I would not condemn her to my hell. Or Alice's alternative vision, Bella's lifeless body and my eyes, no longer gold but ruby. Neither would happen it would be mind over matter. The idea of these visions depressed me. I looked down to the floor avoiding her gaze, afraid to see fear in her eyes as she left that table and me forever.

"If?" Bella questioned.

"If this ends … badly." I added resting my head into my palms. Why was I doing this to her? Why would I even give this situation the chance to end badly? _I should leave for this hunting trip and_ _never come back_ I thought to myself. I sat quiet, waiting for her reaction. I couldn't look her in the face. I was waiting for her shock to wear off. I listened to her heart beating. I would not be the one to end that wonderful flutter. I heard her heart rate increase as she reached for my hand. Though it was a noble try, she gave up before she reached me, knowing I would retract my hand. I'm coming Edward, I heard Alice project to me.

"And you have to leave now." She said in a low disappointed tone. How could she be disappointed? Why couldn't she seem to understand the magnitude of this situation? Most people would be running for their lives, calling the local news, and never looking back. This girl, still wanted to hold my hand, fully knowing that I could end her life in a single minute.

"Yes," I told her. Not really wanting to leave her, but knowing I had to go if I wanted to continue to be around her. "Its probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left in Biology – I don't think I could take anymore." I could hear Alice approaching. Her light, pixie footsteps glided silently and gracefully closer. Bella's eyes were still locked on me when Alice reached my shoulder and startled Bella. "Alice," I greeted her.

"Edward," She greeted cheerfully with a smile. _Introduce me!_ She shouted at me.

"Alice, Bella – Bella, Alice," I introduced them pacifying Alice.

"Hello, Bella." Alice chimed with a large grin on her face. "It's nice to finally meet you." _It's_ _about time Edward. We're going to be best friends._ I glared at her with a serious tone.

"Hi, Alice," Bella replied shyly. I could tell she was unsure of how genuine Alice's feelings about her were. If she only knew what Alice knew.

"Are you ready?" Alice asked me, with a sly smirk on her face. _Let me hang out for a little while Edward, I just want to talk to her._

"Nearly. I'll meet you at the car." I dismissed her request. With a small smile and a elegant turn Alice strode out of the cafeteria. I'd hear about this later.

"Should I say 'have fun', or is that the wrong sentiment?" Bella asked me with a coy chuckle.

"No. 'Have fun' works as well as anything." I grinned at her. I liked it when she challenged me.

"Have fun, then." She told me, trying not to sound too disappointed that I was leaving her.

"I'll try. And you try to stay safe, please." I implored her. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to her while I was away. I would have to make it a quick trip.

"Safe in Forks – what a challenge." She teased me.

"For you it is a challenge." I was more serious now. "Promise."

"I promise to try to be safe," she recited to me. "I'll do the laundry tonight – that ought to be fraught with peril." She mocked me.

"Don't fall in," I mused. She sure knew how to melt my icy heart.

"I'll do my best." She offered. I stood to leave and she stood with me. "I'll see you tomorrow," she sighed sadly. She was acting like it would be an eternity before we would meet again, let alone eighteen hours. This made my mind spin. I wondered if she thought about everyday like this. How deep in this was she?

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" I asked her amused by her reactions to my departure. She nodded glumly at me. "I'll be there in the morning," I promised her, smiling. Her face flooded with warm pink color. I hated to leave her but I couldn't take any chances. I reached over to feel her warmth. I ran my fingers lightly down her cheek, gazing into her eyes. _Edward, I'm not going to_ _wait all day!_ I heard Alice's voice ring through my head. I smiled slightly at Bella, turned and walked out.

Alice was waiting at the car. _About time_. She thought as she smiled. "You know, for someone so small you can be very annoying." I grinned at her. "I need to get Bella's truck before we head out. I'll be back shortly and we'll get a move on."

"I enjoyed meeting her today," Alice said to me. "I hope you'll bring her home to meet Esme soon. I know they will all love her, I've seen it. And you know I'm right."

"I know," I admitted reluctantly. I knew they would love her, I didn't doubt that for a moment. I doubted my self control. I didn't want to let them down, or to hurt her. But I couldn't stay away. Bella was my true north. She had a gravity that pulled me to her like I was a planet in her solar system. "Wait here," I told Alice. "I'll be back shortly." I tossed the keys to the Volvo to her and crossed the parking lot to the trees. As soon as I crossed the threshold of furry pines I was off in a sprint. The world flew by in a green flash of light. It didn't take long to reach Bella's house at that speed. Before I knew it I stepped out of the tree line into the clearing that belonged to the Swans. I glanced around to make sure the chief wasn't home. No sign of him. I approached the front door and reached up above the door jam for the house key. I grasped it in my hands and brought it down to the lock. How predictable. I let myself in and quickly grabbed her silver key from the key hook. The house had her glorious fragrance. I quickly exited so as not to disturb anything, locking the door behind me. I replaced the key and walked to the big red truck. Giant steel death trap. It could barely do 60 mph on a good day. Maybe one day, she'd let me get her a faster car. I unlocked the door and slid into the drivers seat. It was uniquely Bella. Slightly untidy, the music turned off, and a sweatshirt tossed across the passenger seat. The smell in her truck was intoxicating. Freesia and orange blossoms. The burn cut my throat like a hot knife to butter, but it was the best kind of pain. I put the key in the ignition and the rickety ride sprang to life rattling and shaking the whole way back to the school.

I parked her truck in the place where my car had been. Alice had the car ready and waiting when I arrived. I dug around the seat for a minute and came up with a pen and a blank sheet of paper. Be Safe. I wrote for Bella. A small reminder to keep her nose clean while I was away. I folded it carefully and placed it on her seat and placed the key in the ignition. I closed the truck door and headed towards mine. Alice was waiting patiently in the passenger seat.

"Ready to go?" she asked me.

"Yes," I answered hesitantly. "The sooner we get out there, the sooner we can get back."

"Edward, she'll be fine. I can see that she will. The only thing you need to worry about is hunting." Alice reassured me. "What shall we hunt today?"

"Preferably something carnivorous," I replied. I hit the gas and the car sped off in search off the hunt.

I was full of eagerness as I pulled into her drive that morning. I was careful to wait for the chief to leave first. Yet small parts of me continued to whisper, _run away and never look back_. That was the part of me that lived closest to the monster that still resided deep inside of me, the monster that wanted Bella all for himself. I prayed that she had told her father she was coming with me today. It would put fear in the monster's heart. I approached the front door silently, breathing deeply, trying to acclimate myself to her fiery scent before she came to the door. Pure heaven. I softly knocked upon the large wooden door. I could hear her feet pounding down the stairs just before she flung the door open. I could hear her heart throbbing with excitement. Her radiance was energizing. The way her coffee hair bounced and the blood ran to her cheeks, flooding them with a warm pink color was worth it. I smiled at her as I looked her over. It was as if she had read my mind this morning. She was wearing the feminine version of my clothing, a tan sweater, blue jeans and a white shirt underneath.

"Good Morning," I greeted her, letting a small chuckle escape from my throat.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked slightly embarrassed, truly oblivious to our twin ensembles.

"We match," I laughed harder this time. We must truly be in tune with each other. I gestured towards her truck and she locked the house behind her. I agreed to let her drive today, against my better judgment. I made my way to the passenger side, hoping she'd change her mind.

"We made a deal," she reminded me with a self-satisfied tone in her voice as she climbed into the driver's side and unlocked my door. I climbed into the rusted out truck, praying silently it wouldn't start. I'd seen how she walked I was concerned with her ability to drive.

"Where to?" She asked me.

"Put your seat belt on – I'm nervous already." She gave me a dirty look and started up the vehicle.

"Where to?" She repeated again as she backed out the drive.

"Take the one oh one north," I directed her. I was beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea. Could I manage myself? _Mind over matter. Think about something else, and if you cant take the scent anymore, just stop breathing_, I told myself. The slow pace and her constant weaving was killing me.

"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" I tormented her.

"This truck is old enough to be your cars grandfather – have some respect." She snapped back. A few torturously slow minutes later we were out of Forks and on our way to the meadow.

"Turn right on one-ten," I instructed. "Now we drive until the pavement ends." I was becoming excited now. I could not wait to share my favorite place with Bella. I hoped she would love it as much as I already did.

"And what's there, at the pavements end?" She asked me curiously.

"A trail."

"We're hiking?" She nervously asked me. I could tell she was unsure of climbing through the trails, more than likely because of her horrible record of constantly colliding with the ground.

"Is that a problem?" I asked her. I expected her to change her mind. Part of me really wanted her to change her mind.

"No."

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry." I tried to reassure her. She didn't answer me. What was she thinking? I would carry her if she wanted me to. But it was killing me that she was unreachable.

"What are you thinking?" I pestered her.

"Just wondering where we're going," she sighed.

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." I looked out the window. The clouds were beginning to clear and the sun would come out soon. I was becoming more anxious.

"Charlie said it would be warm today," she declared.

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I mentally crossed my fingers hoping she had told him exactly what was going on.

"Nope." She answered matter of factly. Of course she hadn't, I had asked her to. Did this girl have a death wish? Maybe others still knew. I was grasping for straws but I needed to scare the monster inside me into hiding.

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" I asked hopeful.

"No. I told her you cancelled on me – which is true." This girl wanted me to hurt her. She was asking for it. The monster in me grinned a horrible toothy grin. Its eyes were red with lust. This angered me.

"No one knows you're with me?" I fumed. She was setting me up for failure.

"That depends… I assume you told Alice?" She naively inquired.

"That's very helpful, Bella," I snapped at her. I couldn't help myself. I had warned her, begged her, to not trust me so implicitly. Why couldn't this human just fear me like the rest? And why did she defy my wishes?

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it has made you suicidal?" I berated her.

"You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly." She said apologetically. I felt terrible. I spoke angrily to her for being concerned about me and my family, but I still could help but be upset by her lack of self preservation.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me_ – if _you_ don't come _home_?" I couldn't disguise my disgust.

She nodded, never looking away from the road. It didn't take a mind reader to tell that I was upsetting her.

"Of all the stupid, idiotic thing to do." I muttered under my breath, hoping she wouldn't hear me. I wanted to turn the car around. I no longer approved of our field trip. I was disgusted and angry. We rode silently the rest of the way. When the road ended she parked along the shoulder and we got out of the vehicle. The temperature had warmed up. It was becoming humid yet it was still overcast. I peeled off my tan sweater, tossed it on the seat and slammed my door in frustration. I looked back down the road to the forest and the hidden path we were about to take. I was beginning to regret this. I should have run while I could.

"This way," I looked over my shoulder at her still annoyed by her poor judgment. I started off to the path when I heard her voice.

"No trail?" She asked with concern in her voice. I had wish she'd shown as much concern for her life as she seemed to about hiking.

"I won't let you get lost," I teased her and smiled half a smile. She examined me with her gaze. She had the most painful expression upon her face, like she was terrified. I hoped it wasn't me, but at the exact same time I had hoped she had come to her senses about me. But still her look confused me. I couldn't help but stare back at her warm brown eyes.

"Do you want to go home?" I quietly asked her. My heart was begging her to say no, but my head was praying for a yes.

"No." She walked towards me until she was nearly touching my arm. Her perfume sent shivers through my body. I inhaled them deeply.

"What's wrong," I questioned her. I could tell she was nervous about something.

"I'm not a very good hiker," she answered with a hint of embarrassment in her voice. "You'll have to be very patient."

"I can be patient – if I make great effort." I smiled at her, making contact with her eyes, I wanted to see her smile again like she did when she met me at the door. She tried to smile back, but it was not a true smile, not a smile I expected out of such a passionate girl. I could tell she still bothered. Maybe she had finally come to her senses and decided to finally fear me as the rest did.

"I'll take you home," I told her, my heart disappointed.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way," she said rather monotone and unenthusiastically. Her tone made me frown. This girl was an enigma to me, and I couldn't get in her head to decipher her mannerisms. Should I lead on, or do I put this innocent child in the truck and take her back home where she would be safe from me? Would she protest? Of course she would, she didn't even let me drive today. I gave up analyzing it and lead the way into the trees.

She slowed the pace, but handled the long hike with great determination and effort. She did much better than I had expected her to do. I should be learning from my assumptions of her by now. I needed to remember not to make them. She was stronger than I seemed to give her credit for. I helped her over large logs and slippery rocks, grabbing her elbow careful not to touch her hands. I didn't hold on to her any longer than was necessary. I was afraid my cold grasp would frighten her. I was afraid that if I touched her, and she felt the ice cold clutch of my fingers, she'd never let me touch her again. Worst of all, if I touched her, would_ I_ be able to let _her_ go?

**_To be continued..._**


	2. Chapter 2

We walked mostly in silence. Every now and then I would ask her a random question about her past to keep her spirits up and to stave off my boredom. I wasn't used to taking this long to reach the clearing.

"When is your birthday?" I inquired.

"September 13th."

"Have you ever had any pets?"

"I have what a gardener would call a black thumb. My house is where goldfish come to die. After killing and replacing Goldie, Oscar, and Shark Bait, I decided that before I became a serial goldfish killer that animals were best left in the pet store." A hearty laugh escaped me. I composed myself quickly, fearing I might frighten her. She had a wonderful sense of humor and it made her even more attractive. It amused me that she was a clumsy with pets as she was at walking. I continued to lead the way through the dense trees. I was afraid to follow her, afraid her scent would over take me and I would lose control.

"Are we there yet?" Bella asked tiredly with sarcasm and a playful whine.

"Nearly," I smiled back at her. "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

"Um, should I?"

"Maybe it's a bit too soon for your eyes," I taunted her with a smirk and a wink.

"Time to visit the optometrist." She said jokingly, which made me smile harder. The trees ahead were beginning to clear, and the light was getting brighter. There was no turning back now. I decided to hang back and let her lead for the last leg of our journey. How would I go about showing her something that I normally try so hard to hide? Should I warn her first? Should I just walk in and let my luminescence blind her? How do you tell someone that when you go out into the sun, your skin sparkles like you covered yourself in glue and rolled in a small child's art project? I watched closely as Bella reached the edge of the clearing. The light gently caressed her warm pink face and made her soft brown hair glow with a shine. I saw a grin of delight appear on her face. I could tell she approved of my location. She stepped into the round meadow, among the wild flowers. Her beauty made every flower a weed in comparison. I stood at the edge of the trees, watching her explore, hoping she'd forget about me, and mustering the will power to control the burn I felt in my throat. _Be strong Edward, mind over matter,_ I thought to myself. Just then, she turned to look for me, seemingly surprised that I was so far away. Her curious eyes met mine; she beckoned me by extending her hand for me to take, stepping towards me. I held up my hand to caution her. I had to collect myself. I knew I could trust her, she wouldn't tell a soul about me, about us. I took an unnecessary and deep breath and I stepped into the hot yellow sun.

I stepped out from the shadows and into the fire. My skin shimmered like millions of tiny diamonds and Bella could not take her eyes off of me. Part of me hoped she would run; never speak to me ever again. The rest of me wanted to cross the field, sweep her off of her feet, lay her gently in the tall grass and press my lips against hers. The monster inside begged to be set free, to taste her. I waited for her reaction. She just continued to stare. I approached her with great caution, quietly whispered to her, "Come with me," and we walked to the middle of the field. I laid in the tall grass for hours next to her, inhaling deeply every so often, breathing Bella in. It burned like acid, but in a good way. I was becoming smug in my ability to control my inner demons. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath of her freesia like scent. I opened my eyes to notice that she wasn't laying but sitting curled into a ball next to me. Perhaps she was nervous, or cold. I wish I knew what was running through her mind. I had to know.

"I don't scare you?" I asked trying to seem playful, but deep inside dying to know if she was just too afraid to run.

"No more than usual." She kidded me. That made me smile a big bright smile. Perhaps I was worrying over nothing. I could hear her shuffling through the grass, moving closer to me. What was she planning on doing? Was I strong enough to with stand her touch? Would she stop at a touch? She stretched her hand closer to my forearm. Should I allow this to happen? Her fingers were wobbly; perhaps she was just as nervous as I was about this new encounter. Then softly, her fiery fingers ignited my glacial arm. Though she only lightly traced my arm, her hand felt like a heat I hadn't felt in decades. If I could experience chills, I'm sure they would have taken hold of me by now. I closed my eyes and took pleasure in the long forgotten sensation.

"Do you mind?" She asked me, obviously concerned about my comfort and my reaction. If only she could understand how incredible her touch felt to me. It set fire to any last bit of a possible soul I might have left.

"No - you can't imagine how that feels." I told her, never opening my eyes, listening to her heart anxiously pound in my ears, continuing to relish in her affections. She reached over towards my hand with her other hand, sending a waft of her fragrance into my face, plunging me deeper into her spell. Understanding that she wanted to examine my hand, I turned my palm up for her. She froze. Her fingers no longer traced my arm, what had I done? I must have surprised her. I hope I didn't frighten her to much. I'd better apologize.

"Sorry," I mumbled, embarrassed that I had messed up that badly. "It's too easy to be myself with you." And it was. I wanted to be more than myself, I wanted to be hers. I wanted to hold her in my arms, to whisk her off her feet. I had never felt this way about anyone before, and for sometime, doubted that I would ever find someone like her. She took my hand up in hers, plunging me deeper into euphoria. She was carefully looking my hand over, like a small child, examining the small glitter that composed my skin.

"Tell me what you're thinking." I whispered, opening my eyes to see her beautiful face. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time." She said smartly.

"It's a hard life. But, you didn't tell me." I replied.

"I was wishing I could know what you were thinking…" She hesitated.

"And?"

"I was wishing that I could believe you were real. And I was wishing I wasn't afraid."

Afraid? Was she afraid of me? I couldn't bear the thought. I had to make it right. I had to do what I could to make her as happy as possible.

"I don't want you to be afraid." I spoke softly and gently. I wish there was some way to convey to her she had nothing to fear from me. That I was no more than her slave and I would go where ever she led me.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about."

I propped myself up quickly, my face merely inches from hers. How I longed to lean in for a closer look. My eyes met hers and I whispered to her. "What are you afraid of, then?" Then as if almost by instinct she began to lean in towards me. I wasn't ready for this, was I strong enough to resist? My heart and body ached for her, begging me to put my hands in her hair, pull her in for a deep passionate kiss. But I wasn't ready, so I fled.

When she opened her eyes, I was well over twenty feet from her. I had to compose myself. I had let that get to far. I should have known better than to put her at risk like that. What if I had given in and I couldn't stop, I could break her fragile body like a twig. Or worse yet, the monster would see my weakness and escape and take over. I couldn't let that happen to her. I couldn't hurt her, and I wouldn't let anyone else hurt her.

"I'm… sorry… Edward," she whispered in my direction. I could see the confusion and rejection on her face.

"Give me a moment," I half yelled in her direction, attempting to reassure her that I wasn't angry. I finished composing myself and started back in her direction. I sat back down in the grass, keeping a respectable distance, still not trusting my own composure. I tested myself again, taking a couple of deep breaths to make sure I was still under control. She smelled so enticing, but I was more in awe of it rather than in hunger for it. I looked deep into her apologetic coffee colored eyes and smiled.

"I am so very sorry." I pleaded. "Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?" I tried to kid around with her. She nodded at me, still unsmiling, most likely upset by my rejection of her advances. I could hear her heart pounding faster, perhaps she was beginning to understand the danger she was in with me. Maybe she would be smart enough to leave me, never see me again. Though the idea crushed me, I would stay away from her if she wanted it. Of course that would never happen. This girl was far too stubborn to give in that easily, and it made me smile.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in – my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!" I told her as my frustration set in. Faster than she could blink and eye, I was on my feet again, running. Running felt good. It was simple, unlike my complex feelings. I lapped the trees twice in less than a second and stopped to speak to Bella again. "As if you could out run me," I laughed. I reached up and with a quick snap, removed a large branch form a tree, and threw if javelin style at another tree, shattering it to toothpicks. Before I knew what was happening I was in front of her, still, unmoving. "As if you could fight me off," I gently said to her. What was I doing? Was I trying to drive her away? She was sitting like a deer in a headlight, devoid of color, eyes wide, watching me, her pulse racing with anxiety, with fear that I had placed there, in her heart. With that my façade shattered. The look of fear on her face would haunt me. What had I done?

"Don't be afraid," I spoke softly and as calmly as possible. I prayed that she wouldn't run screaming for the trees. _Way to go Edward. The only girl you've ever cared for and you scare the hell out of her. She'll probably want you out of her life forever. Fix it!_ "I promise…" I paused, taking a deep breath. I was in control. "I swear not to hurt you." _Mind over matter Edward, you care for her, you will not hurt her._ "Don't be afraid," I whispered to her as I got closer to her. What was she thinking? What horrible thoughts was she having about me in her mind? I slowly and cautiously paced closer to the poor fragile girl that I had just sent into a full out panic, causing her to most likely fear for her own life. I didn't deserve to live for what I had just done to her. Beg for forgiveness fool! "Please forgive me," I pleaded. "I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now."

She continued to be quiet and still. She was going to leave. Why should she stay? I'm only a monster that threatens her mortality with every breath I take. The color slowly began to return to her face, and her eyes were less panicked. "I'm not thirsty today, honestly." I quipped with a wink. Humor, hell it was worth a shot. A small shaky laugh escaped from her ample salmon colored lips. The sound of her laugh left me breathless. Perhaps she could forgive me. Perhaps, she could love me after all.

"Are you alright?" I asked her. I couldn't believe what an idiot I was. She seemed to be examining me with her eyes. What was she thinking? She was driving me mad! Then something unexpected happened. She began again where she left off, tracing my frigid hands with her sizzling fingertips. She glanced up from my hand and looked deep into my eyes. I could stare into her deep brown pools any day. I would swim in their warmth, relish in their gaze, and admire their magnificence if I could. "So, where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" I changed the subject. She smiled a small smile for me; I smiled at her ashamed of my stupidity.

"I honestly can't remember." She spoke calmly in a hushed tone_. She spoke! Oh there must be a god in heaven to let this angel speak so sweetly!_

"I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right." She said nonchalantly. She was so polite, so sweet. I was lucky to be the one who had Bella's attention.

"Well?" I questioned her further. She broke our eye contact and looked down to my palm. She continued to caress it while she sat in silence. I could feel the frustration rising inside of me. Why would she not tell me? Why could I not read her thoughts? I relied too much upon my extra abilities and I was about to break.

"How easily frustrated I am," I sighed. She looked into my eyes again, capturing my very being.

"I was afraid…" she began timidly. "Because, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should." She looked back down at my hands again. I admired the courage she had to tell me exactly what she was thinking, even though it seemed difficult for her.

"Yes," I agreed. She was right. We shouldn't be together. This was so wrong, on so many levels. But if it was so wrong, why did it feel so right? "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest." Her face grew sad. I could tell she felt how I felt about the situation. I was making this hard on her. I should have never given her a choice. "I should have left long ago. I should leave now. But I don't know if I can." I admitted.

"I don't want you to leave." She sadly mumbled, looking down at my hands again.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should." It was so easy to tell her exactly how I was feeling, what I was feeling. And the worst part was, I knew I was right. I should run, now, head north again. Maybe somewhere south this time, Rio, Argentina, Santiago, anywhere to keep her safe from me.

"I'm glad"

"Don't be!" I scolded, retracting my hand from her grasp, more gently this time. I was becoming irritated with her. Didn't she have any sense of self preservation? Wasn't she concerned that her life could be over in a matter of a few seconds? "It's not only your company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." I starred off into the woods. I should run, now. I should run and never stop.

"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean – by that last part anyway," she said, looking for answers.


	3. Chapter 3

Looking into her innocent, unknowing eyes made me smile. I wasn't going to be able to change her willful mind.

"How do I explain?" I deliberated. "And without frightening you again… hmmmm." Scaring her was the last thing I wanted to do. The only thing I really wanted to do was feel the warmth of her hands again, so bravely I placed my cold hand back into hers. She gripped me more tightly than before; perhaps afraid if she didn't I would take off again. I looked down at our hands intertwined; it stirred me in a way I had never experienced before.

"That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." I gathered my thoughts and tried to explain.

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors?" I started. "Some people like chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"

She nodded in acknowledgement.

"Sorry about the food analogy – I couldn't think of another way to explain." I apologized. She was probably giving up ice cream for good, but I couldn't read her mind to find out. But she smiled at me, so it mustn't be that bad.

"You see," I continued. "Every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if her were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred year old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac – and filled the room with its warm aroma – how do you think he would fare then?"

She sat quietly, looking into my eyes, mulling over what I had just told her. Did I explain it well? Did it make any sense to her?

"Maybe that's not the right comparison," I spoke. "Maybe it would be too easy to turn down brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."

"So what you're saying is, I'm your kind of heroin?" She mocked me, making my mouth curl up at the ends into a smile. She seemed to understand.

"Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin." I told her matter of factly. Her cheeks flooded and turned warm and pink. She was obviously either embarrassed or flattered by my remark; I chose to think she was flattered.

"Does that happen often?" She asked. I glanced up at the sky, looking for answers. I wasn't going to find them there, I knew that. I remembered the discussion I had with Emmett and Jasper about it.

"I spoke to my brothers about it." I started, still watching the sky above me. "To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor." I looked at her face to make sure I hadn't offended her with yet another flavor remark. "Sorry," I apologized. I swear I was going to be the reason she never tasted anything ever again.

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's just the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can." She said in a sympathetic tone. I took another deep breath. Not that I needed to breath, it was simply a reflex by now, and it made humans more comfortable. I looked up to the sky again.

"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as" – oh what was the right word to use? "_Appealing _as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?" she asked me, looking down at my hand again, her soft brown hair hiding her face.

"Never." At that she glanced up and our eyes met. It was true, no one had ever had left such an impression on me. We sat momentarily in silence, staring into each others eyes.

"What did Emmett do?" She asked me in a whisper, ending the hush. Oh how I wished she wouldn't ask that. How could I tell her the only other person I knew who had experienced this had slaughtered their prey? If I wanted her to run away screaming, I would tell her the truth. I couldn't look at her. If she looked into my eyes I know she'd know the truth.

"I guess I know."

I looked back into her eyes, begging her not to turn away from me. "Even the strongest of us fall of the wagon don't we?"

"What are you asking? My permission?" Her tone was sharp. "I mean, is there no hope then?" Her voice was tense, yet calm. How dense was I? Was I looking for an easy way out? Did I just ask her permission to lose control?

"No, no!" I instantly squelched her fears. "Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…" I stared deep into her eyes looking for alarm, trying to find the words to drive it from her eyes. "It's different for us. Emmett… those were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as… practiced, as careful, as he is now." I stopped speaking; watching her, hoping that my explanation had shattered her dread.

"So if we'd met… oh, in a dark alley or something…" She posed the question. How would I answer that? Be honest Edward.

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and…" My voice trailed off. That did it Edward. I was embarrassed that I was even that weak. I looked away from her to finish. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle had built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself." I stopped again and looked off into the trees, still feeling guilty. I looked back into her eyes, remembering that first day. Ten seconds would have done it. I could have done away with everyone in that room before she could even get a scream out. "You must have thought I was possessed."

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…" She said.

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me." In a strange way, it felt good to tell her all of these things. Maybe it was so she would understand who I really was and why she should stay away. "The fragrance coming off of your skin… I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…" I looked back at her face. She looked like she was processing all of the information I had given her, pairing it with our first meeting, matching it to every move I made. "You would have come." I informed her. I knew she would have. A simple _come with me_, would have been all it took.

"Without a doubt," she enlightened me, her voice slightly shaking. This made me upset. Upset that I was right, upset that I could have taken this sweet girl from the world and she would have been a willing victim. I looked at our tangled hands and frowned. If I had acted, I wouldn't have her now.

"And then, I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there – in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there – so easily dealt with." She continued to dissect my actions, so I continued. "But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home – I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong – and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving." She stared at me with a look of surprise on her face, not saying a word, waiting patiently for me to continue. Why was this girl's mind locking me out? Now would be a good time to be able to hear her thoughts.

"I traded cars with him – he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary… By the next morning I was in Alaska." _Such a coward_, I thought. "I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances… but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you we so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl…" _If I had only known then, what I know now_, I thought. The idea made me grin. "To chase me from a place I wanted to be? So I came back…" I looked away, staring off into the blue, letting her absorb everything I had just given to her. "I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it." It was embarrassing to admit to now. I was ashamed of my overconfidence, ashamed of myself. "It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind," the thought of it made me ill. "Her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." I paused, feeling long winded, frowning at the idea of having to eavesdrop on her, especially through Jessica Stanley. She could be so two faced. She would be saying one thing and thinking another. I shook my head a little to erase the memory of her from my head. "I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would any other person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions… and every now and then you would stir up the air with your hand in your hair, and the scent would stun me again…." I continued as I looked up into her face, getting caught up in her expressions all over again_. Such beauty_, I thought. Her eyes were focused on my face; her hands were still wrapped around mine. I wanted to stay this way forever.

"Of course," I looked down at our hands again. I couldn't believe I was bearing my soul to this girl. "Then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment – because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'" I closed me eyes, not believing what I had just told her, not believing I just basically laid my heart out onto the table, hers to take or leave as she pleased. What would she say to that? How did I expect her to react? More importantly, how did I want her to react? Then she broke her silence.

"In the hospital?"

"I was appalled." I said as I looked into her eyes. They held nothing but intrigue and compassion for my plight. "I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power – you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." We both flinched at the mention of the word kill. _Horrible choice in expression, Edward._ "But it had the opposite effect," I quickly added, wanting to reassure her she was safe with me. "I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time… the worst fight we have ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." I smiled at the mention of Alice's name. Why anyone would side against her, I'd never know why, it's not like she didn't already know what was going to happen. "Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay." I remembered that conversation all to well. Shaking my head, I remembered the sad look in Esme's influencing eyes. I have yet to meet someone who could ever say no to her either. "All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far away from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair… it hit me as hard as the very first day." I looked deep into her eyes, searching for answers. Looking for some sort of sign as to what she was thinking or how she was feeling about what I was telling her. "And for all that, I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here – with no witnesses and nothing to stop me – if I were to hurt you."

"Why?" She inquired. What was she fishing for? Didn't I already lay out how I felt for her?

"Isabella," I started, touching her soft, lengthy brown hair, kicking up its perfume slightly, making my throat burn with desire. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." I looked away, trying not to mentally picture what I was about to tell her. "The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see the flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable." I looked into her eyes. Her face flushed with scarlet, just the way I loved to see it. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever." And with that, I waited for her response. The silence was agony. I could see the gears turning in her head, absorbing everything I had just said to her, as her face reddened more. She looked away from my gaze, winding our fingers further together.

"You already know how I feel, of course." She declared. And with that simple sentence, my mind was stirring; I was soaring on the wings of the birds. "I'm here… which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." Then she frowned and said, "I'm and idiot."

"You are an idiot," I agreed laughing at her playful remark. We laughed together at the moment we had just shared.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I muttered.

"What a stupid lamb," She sighed, a sigh of relief.

"What a sick, masochistic lion." I joked, looking off into the woods. She loved me back. She would give up her life for me, much as I would for her. And from that moment, I knew, I would spend the rest of her days, keeping her safe, loving her as long as she wanted me near her, and when she no longer wanted me, loving her from a far. I had found my purpose in this life.

"Why…?" she started to ask, her question trailing off. I looked away from my thoughts and back to her and smiled.

"Yes?"

"Tell me why you ran from me before." She finished. I was no longer smiling at that question. I was so ashamed I nearly lost my focus.

"You know why," I told her.

"No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example, seems to be alright." She finished as she caressed the back of my hand. My whole arm lit up with an imaginary flame at her touch, making me beam yet again.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you." She generously offered.

"Well… It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness… I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat…" _Too much information again, Edward_, I reflected to myself. I looked up to see if I'd upset her but she only smiled back at me.

"Okay, then, no throat exposure." She teased, crunching her neck down like a turtle. This made me laugh out loud.

"No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else." I should have known better, she was full of surprises. Her humor was so sweet, so endearing. I wanted to touch her, to hold her in my arms. I reached to her with my free hand and gently, placed it on her neck. She was very still, I felt her tremble a little, no doubt from the coolness of my hand. Her neck was warm. I could feel her pulse racing with excitement. I could see no fear in her eyes, only a longing. "You see," I reassured her. "Perfectly fine." Her cheeks glowed bright pink. "The blush on your cheeks is lovely." I whispered to her. I untied my hand from hers and touched her blush filled cheeks gently with my free hand. I wanted to drown myself in her perfume; I wanted to hear her blood race.

"Be very still." I looked into her eyes and I whispered to her again. I gently rested my head against her neck. I listened to her heart race with exhilaration. I felt the heat of her skin on my cheek. Her skin was soft, supple, and her fragrance was intoxicating. I could stay there forever. I craved more. I slid my hands slowly down her neck to her shoulders and felt her shiver beneath them. I inhaled her scent deeper as I moved me face to her other side, brushing my nose along her clavicle. I was drunk with passion. Finally I found my resting place, my ear pressed to her chest, listening to her throbbing heart. "Ah." I sighed. We sat unmoving for a long time. I felt my cheek absorbing the warmth from her skin. Her heart beat was rhythmic, unchanging, and peaceful. I took another deep breath, taking one last whiff of her scent. Then I reluctantly released her. I sat up and looked into her eyes, they were peaceful, at rest, and I think I detected a hint of discontent with my action.

"It won't be so hard again." I informed her, pleased with myself, with the way things were working out.

"Was that very hard for you?" She asked curiously. It was difficult, but I wouldn't ever be able to harm her.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"

"No, it wasn't bad… for me." She smiled mockingly. Her response made me smile back. "You know what I mean." She finished, smirking.

"Here," I told her, taking her hand in mine. I placed her hand against my cheek, it was warm now, but it wouldn't last long. "Do you feel how warm it is?" I asked her.

"Don't move." She whispered to me. So I sat perfectly still. I didn't flinch, I didn't even breathe. She moved her delicate hand down my cheek, running her thumb gently under my eye, tracing the purplish shadows. She ran her hot fingers along my nose, and carefully over my cool lips, causing them to part from the desire that racked my body. She leaned in close as if she was about to press her warm crimson lips against mine. I felt her hot breath on my face, and then she pulled away, dropping her hand from my face, leaving me alone with my needs. I opened my eyes, I knew they were hungry, I could feel the monster deep, deep with in me, begging for a small taste of her. But the love I had for her squelched the monsters pleas. I could hear her heart hammering in her chest, the same as I'm sure mine would if it could.

"I wish… I wish you could feel the… complexity… the confusion… I feel." I managed to spit out. "That you could understand."

"Tell me." She insisted.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger – the thirst – that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though, as you are not addicted to any illegal substances," I teased her with a large grin on my face. "You probably can't empathize completely." She smiled back at me; a small chuckle escaped her lips. Her soft, kind pink lips. I wanted to press hers to mine eagerly. I wanted to wrap myself around her and remain there, holding her, keeping her safe, keeping her close, forever. "But" I continued, I traced her lips lightly with my fingers, listening to her pulse begin yet another marathon event. "There are other hungers." I admitted. "Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me." I became this creature before I was educated in such things. Not to mention it had been an entire century since I had last felt this human.

"I may understand that better than you think." She hinted, her cheeks flushed red.

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?" I felt uneasy, inadequate but at the same time I was riding high. Knowing that she returned my affection but constantly wondering if I was good enough for her. Though I was certain I was probably the worst thing that had ever happened to her.

"For me?" She paused. "No, never. Never before this." At least we were going to be embarking on this glorious adventure together. I looked down at our hands. They had been twisting and turning in and out of each others grasp. They had found a happy resting place for the moment. Both of hers sandwiched between mine. I had to be careful, her hands were much more delicate than mine, a wrong move and I could break her finger.

"I don't know how to be close to you," I divulged. "I don't know if I can." How could I touch her with out breaking her? Hold her hands with out crushing them; kiss her with out biting her lips, tasting her scent without losing control.

**More to come...**


	4. Chapter 4

Bella leaned towards me, her heart was racing. I held my breath as she crept slowly closer to me. She laid her hot cheek against my marble chest. I could hear her heart pounding; her face was scalding my frigid skin.

"This is enough." She said sweetly, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. I thought for a second. What should I do? Do I let this continue? Do I stop her? I decided the best move to make would be the one that felt the most natural to me. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her gently closer to me, holding her warmth close to my body. I nestled my face into her hair, taking deep intoxicating breaths. A feeling raced through me that I had never experienced before. An inner heat, desire, but not the monstrous kind. The kind of undying, unconditional devotion that can only accompany the feeling of love.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," she told me. I hoped I was doing this right.

"I have human instincts. They may be buried deep, but they're there." I explained.

We sat like that for an inconceivable amount of time. She continued to rest on my chest; I continued to hold her close to my unbeating heart. I didn't want to move. I could sit there in the meadow forever holding my Bella, keeping her close, inhaling her fragrant perfume, feeling her warmth upon me. We sat unmeasurable moments longer, watching the light slowly disappear behind the trees. Bella let out a deep sigh. I could tell she was as disappointed as I was that the day was coming to an end and she would need to be headed home.

"You have to go." I answered her sigh.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind," she said coyly.

"It's getting clearer." I smiled. I ran my hands gently over her soft shoulders and she looked into my face. Her intense coffee colored eyes focused on my amber ones. They were so beautiful and innocent. I could see that in her eyes, her world, there was nothing but me. If I could shiver, I was sure I would have.

"Can I show you something?" I inquired of her. Very excited to show her my favorite activity.

"Show me what?"

"I'll show you how I travel in the forest, don't worry, you'll be safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." I hinted and smirked. Her eyes were now puzzled. I could see her trying to figure out how we were going to get there.

"Will you turn into a bat?" She teased.

"Like I haven't heard that one before!" I laughed out loud, harder than I had in the longest time.

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time." She rolled her eyes at me.

"Come on little coward, climb on my back." I taunted her. I could still tell she was unsure of my offer. She hesitated, shuffling her feet. I reached out my hand and took hers. I could hear her pulse begin to race. I gently pulled her arm and slung her onto my back. She instinctly wrapped her legs around my waist and her arm around my neck tightly. Her warm form felt like it belonged with me.

"I'm heavier than your average backpack." She remarked.

"Hah!" I laughed again. She was probably making some remark about her weight, which was like a feather to me. It was walking on clouds, flying through the air, like I was indestructible, even though I really was. I took her hand and pressed it against my face enjoying the rich freesia scent.

"Easier all the time." I informed her and then I began to run.


	5. Chapter 5

With Bella on my back, I felt like I was running faster than I had ever run before. She invoked some sort of power and strength in me that I never knew existed. I darted through the woods; everything was greener than it had ever been before. I felt like I had been born again. The traditional lunar calendar was measured in B.C. and A.D. Mine would now forever be B.B. and A.B.; before Bella and After Bella. I could feel her arms and legs tightly wrapped around me. It was all that my new world needed to survive. In mere minutes we reached her dilapidated truck, and my mind continued to race.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" I exclaimed, the excitement in my voice was far too great to hide from her. I waited patiently for her to descend from my back, but she remained. Was she ok? Did I run to fast? Was she hurt? Was she conscious?

"Bella?" I asked her again anxiously. I hoped I didn't hurt or frighten her. I couldn't live with myself if I had.

"I think," her voice was croaky and wavered. "I need to lie down."

"Oh, sorry." I apologized and stood still once again waiting for her to get down. She remained motionless.

"I think I need help." Her voice cracked making me chuckle. Poor girl, I should have warned her. I knew how fragile she was, but I let my excitement get the best of me. I must keep that in check for future reference. I gently loosed her stiffened grip around my neck, leaving her legs wrapped around me. I gently spun her to face me. The poor girl was flushed, maybe even slightly green. Motion sickness, I figured. I held her there for a moment, making sure she was ok to be put down and examining her beautiful face. I wish she could see herself through my eyes. I gently laid her down on the lush green fern covered ground.

"How do you feel?" I asked her. I almost preferred not knowing what she was thinking at this point.

"Dizzy, I think."

"Put your head between your knees." I instructed her. I couldn't remember ever being dizzy, but I had witnessed this simple treatment for it over the year of attending high school health classes. She placed her head between her knees and began breathing deeply. I could hear her heart rate slowing, which was a good sign. I sat beside her, wishing I could make her feel better. Eventually, she lifted her head from her knees, but she still looked sick to her stomach.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea." I reflected.

"No," she sounded ill. "It was very interesting."

"Hah! – You're as white as a ghost –no, you're as white as me!" I pointed out.

"I think I should have closed my eyes." She murmured.

"Remember that next time." I winked at her.

"Next time!" She groaned, rolling her eyes. I laughed at her reaction. I was sure we'd try that again, perhaps not soon, but we would make another attempt.

"Show off."

"Open your eyes, Bella." I quietly instructed her. My face was just inches from hers. Her sweet brown eyes opened and met mine. She quietly gasped. I'm sure I was "dazzling" her again, but not nearly as much as she was me.

"I was thinking, while I was running…" I paused. Dare I? Am I strong enough? Can I handle this? Can she?

"About not hitting trees I hope." She goaded me.

"Silly Bella," I laughed. I had forgotten she could not see things the way I could see them. Everything to her would have been nothing but green streaks. No wonder she was sick. She wouldn't have seen each individual tree as we passed. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show off." She muttered again. I couldn't help but smile at that comment.

"No," I continued my earlier thoughts. "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." _Here goes nothing Edward._ I took her soft face in my hands. She stopped breathing. Now I wished I could read her mind, though I was sure she wanted this as much as I did. I studied her yielding petal pink lips again. She bit down slightly on her lower lip in nervous anticipation. She definitely wanted this as much as I did. I had never kissed a woman before. Not like this, not with so much emotion, and most definitely not on the lips. I slowly crept my face closer, our lips nearly touching. I hesitated again, inhaling her seductive scent. I wanted this, and I could handle it. I carefully and softly pressed my cold marble lips against her supple flaming lips. Electricity flooded my body. I wanted her, in more ways than to please the monster within. Her reaction surprised me next. She didn't pull away. Instead she pulled me in closer, tighter, winding her fingers in my hair. I felt her lips part, knowing this had to end before I lost control, and at this rate, it wouldn't be long. I gently placed my hands on her face and carefully pushed her away, much to my vexation. She opened her eyes and looked at me apologetically.

"Opps."

"That's an understatement." I sat there stunned. I wasn't sure what was happening at that moment. My body felt as though it were on fire. I wanted her, but not in the monstrous way I was concerned about. This feeling surprised me. She tamed the savage beast inside of me. She looked intently into my eyes, waiting for my reaction.

"Should I…?" She cautiously asked trying to pull away from me.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please." I politely asked her. I wasn't ready to let this moment go yet. I wasn't ready to let her go yet. Our eyes locked together for several minutes.

"There," I said, smiling, pleased with our first kiss, pleased with myself.

"Tolerable?" She asked.

I laughed at her remark. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry." She apologized. She had nothing to apologize for, she was incredible.

"You are only human, after all." I teased her.

"Thanks so much." She said in a sharp tone.

In no time, I was up onto my feet, extending my hand to help her up from the ground. She looked long and hard at my hand before slipping her fiery hand into mine. I pulled her carefully to her feet, but she continued to waver, her balance had not yet returned, not that she had much to begin with.

"Are you still faint from the run?" I asked her. "Or was it my kissing expertise?" I winked and laughed quietly at her.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy." She answered. "Think its some of both, though."

"Maybe you should let me drive."

"Are you insane?" She protested.

"I can drive better than you on your best day." I teased her. It was true, but I didn't want to offend her. "You have much slower reflexes."

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it." She retorted. I loved her fiery side.

"Some trust, please, Bella." I pleaded. She was truly in no condition to drive, and I knew Charlie would be home soon. She deliberated for a minute, and then shook her head.

"Nope, not a chance." She said. She tried to walk past me, but she faltered and nearly tipped, but my steady arm around her waist kept her from falling. It wasn't in the plan to let her drive, but I knew she would try.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk." I quipped, chuckling at my cliché quote. She rolled her eyes at me, compelling me to smile back at her.

"Drunk?" She disputed.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence." I said sarcastically, smirking at her, looking into her eyes to see if I was correct. By the look of them I wasn't too far off.

"I can't argue with that." She sighed. She held up the key and dropped it. I snatched it quickly before it could hit the ground. "Take it easy," she warned. "My truck is a senior citizen."

"Very sensible." I agreed with her terms and decision to let me drive. Then she caught me off guard.

"And are you not affected at all? By my presence?"

If she only know how affected I was by her presence. I was more than intoxicated by her presence, her presence obscured my reality. When she was there, all I could see was her. There was nothing in the world that could hold a candle to her. I looked softly into her eyes and lowered my face towards hers. I gently and tenderly traced her jaw line, from her ear to her chin, with my lips. I could feel her tremble from my touch. I stopped at her ear again and whispered, "Regardless, I have better reflexes."


	6. Chapter 6

_**

* * *

**_I tried to keep the truck at a reasonable speed. After all, she had trusted me enough to allow me behind the wheel. It wasn't too hard however, considering it couldn't accelerate over 65 mph. I kept my left hand on the wheel at all times, but I kept my right hand on my heart. Bella. Our hands were intertwined between us on the seat. I was euphoric. There were no words to describe how I felt at this moment. I never imagined I would find a counter part in this world, and here she was, one hundred years in my future. I hardly focused on the road; I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I allowed my eyes to trace her shape, to drink in her coloring. Her coffee colored eyes would occasionally rotate in my direction, our eyes would meet and she would look away quickly like a shy schoolgirl. Her actions made me smile, and I looked out the car window. Everything was in Technicolor now. I began to notice the different shades of green in the trees; the sky was bluer than I could ever remember. My world was a better place with Bella in it. The open window filled the cab with her floral scent that I inhaled deeply and my heart began to sing. I reached for the ancient radio knob and clicked it on, cranking it to the oldies station and stumbled upon Nat King Cole crooning the tune Mona Lisa, and before I knew it I began to sing along.

_Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa, men have named you. You're so like the lady with the mystic smile. Is it only cause you're lonely they have blamed you? For that Mona Lisa strangeness in your smile? Do you smile to tempt a lover, Mona Lisa? Or is this your way to hide a broken heart? Many dreams have been brought to your doorstep. They just lie there and they die there. Are you warm; are you real, Mona Lisa? Or just a cold and lonely, lovely work of art? Do you smile to tempt a lover, Mona Lisa? Or is this your way to hide a broken heart? Many dreams have been brought to your doorstep. They just lie there and they die there. Are you warm; are you real, Mona Lisa? Or just a cold and lonely, lovely work of art? Mona Lisa. Mona Lisa._

"You like fifties music?" She asked me.

"Music in the fifties was good," I chuckled. "Much better than the sixties or the seventies. Ugh!" I groaned remembering all of the hippie nonsense. "The eighties were bearable."

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" She continued to interrogate me. How would I explain to her that I was older than any living relative that she had ever known?

"Does it matter much?" I smiled at her in an attempt to avoid answering her question.

"No, but I still wonder…" Her voice trailed off. "There's nothing like and unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

"I wonder if it will upset you." I reflected aloud. I looked away from her and out the window, observing the position of the sun. It was setting and the day would soon come to an end. How would she react knowing that I had lived a whole century without her? Would she understand? Would the notion intimidate her? We didn't speak, and sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Try me." She said, breaking the silence.

Hadn't she ever heard the phrase, curiosity killed the cat? Yet I indulged her prying. I sighed deeply, and looked into her chocolate eyes. They were sweet, encouraging and yearning for knowledge. I knew I would be at her mercy. I wouldn't be able to tell her no. I didn't want to see the look on her face when I told her. I didn't want to be disappointed, and I most certainly wouldn't be able to handle the look on her face when she realized what I really was. And then I spoke.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901." I stopped and peered at her reaction from the corner of my eyes investigating whether or not I should continue. Her face was calm and patient. I couldn't help but let a smile creep across my lips when I realized she wasn't going to leap from the moving vehicle in terror. "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza." I stopped as she gasped. Had I said the wrong thing? I looked into her eyes again. They held nothing but care and concern for me, so I continued still. "I don't remember it well – it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade." I stopped and stayed quiet for a little while. I didn't want her to think all human memories faded. I wasn't a complete monster. I remembered many things about my human life. I remembered my parents. My mother's copper hair set in curls, and the pink floral hat she wore to church and my father's small black round spectacles he wore on the end of his nose when he read the paper.

"I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget." I muttered darkly.

"Your parents?" Bella asked.

"They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone." I remembered when my father died. I was too ill to have any very last memories of my mother before she passed, but I remembered when she fell ill. It was shortly after my father passed. She had been a mess for a little over a day, crying over my father's passing. There was nothing I could do to console her. I remained at her side, bringing her warm tea and soups. Then she began to have headaches, followed by a high fever and chills. She had a horrible cough, was too dizzy to stand, and I knew she needed see a doctor. I was so concerned about her; I failed to notice my own symptoms until it was too late. And then there was Carlisle.

"How did he … save you?" Bella inquired. How would I explain to her that what Carlisle did for me was the most horrifying thing I had ever experienced? I had to choose my terms very carefully before I spoke.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of all of us… I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history…" I paused to take a deep breath, remembering the excruciating feeling. "For me, it was merely very, very painful." At that I pursed my lips together and that's all I was willing to divulge. I could tell she had more questions by the way she fidgeted about in her seat, yet she respected my body language and did not pry further. As I continued to observe her squirm, I decided I would pacify her curiosity with a small amount of information, to ease her spinning mind. After all I didn't want her to assume wrong and I didn't want her to think poorly of Carlisle.

"He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating."

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" Her voice trailed off. She had yet to say the word vampire, like she was afraid it would send me flying off into the sky like a bat.

"No, that's just Carlisle," I continued, my answer practically finishing her question for her. "He would never do that to someone who had another choice. It is easier though, if the blood is weak." Or at least that was what Carlisle had told me anyway. I looked down the road. I had told her too much. I could feel my features turning solemn.

"And Emmett and Rosalie?" He question rang through the cab of the truck.

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next." I answered, remembering that fateful day. "I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him – he was careful with his thoughts around me. But she was never more than a sister." The thought of being with Rosalie cause me to roll my eyes in disgust. I cared for her like a sibling but she knew how to push me over the edge. "It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting – we were in Appalachia at the time – and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." I said, my eyes meeting Bella's eyes. I picked up our clasped hands and brushed the back of mine gently down her intrigued face.

"But she made it." Bella said quickly breaking my gaze. I could tell that I truly did dazzle her.

"Yes, she saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately form us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we enrolled in high school." I couldn't stifle another small laugh. "I suppose _we'll _have to go to their wedding in a few years, again." I stressed the "we'll". Hopefully she caught on to it. I couldn't imagine doing anything from this point on with out Bella at my side.

"Alice and Jasper?" She asked.

"Alice and Jasper are to very rare creatures." I began. "They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another… family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him." I pictured Alice's memory of finding Jasper in my mind. She was sitting at a counter in a small diner, Jasper entered and she hoped off of her stool, took him by the hand, and that was history. "Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really?" Bella interrupted my story with a look of wonder in her eyes. "But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true. She knows other things. She sees things- things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." I saw Alice's vision again. Bella's blood red eyes. Bella as a vampire. Not as long as I was around to stop it. I felt my jaw lock up with hostility.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: I'm sorry I've been MIA. Lots going on around here with the holidays and all, plus I've hooked 5 of my friends on the twilight series and my best friend and I are so dumb we've seen the movie twice! It's been hectic but thanks to all of you who are reading and reviewing it means alot! And just know, I'm not one of those writers who won't write because people aren't reviewing enough. I write for me, and if you enjoy the ride, welcome aboard!!! ;) Thanks again and I promise to try to be better about updating. I'm off for the next 2.5 weeks so I should get some good writing in! Happy Holidays and Enjoy!**

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"What kind of things does she see?" Bella asked. _What didn't Alice see?_ I thought to myself.

"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat that they might pose." I wondered if Alice saw Bella coming into my life. Sure I would think I would have seen it through her eyes, but knowing the little pixie, if she had seen it, she would have found a way to hide it from me.

"Are there a lot of … your kind?" She curiously asked batting her long brown eyelashes. Even if I wanted to resist there was no way I could resist her.

"No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting people…" _Open mouth insert leg, Edward_, "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live… differently tend to band together."

"And the others?"

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?"

I pulled her rusty truck to a stop in front of her house and turned off the engine. By now it was nightfall, and there was no moon in sight.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?" I replied sarcastically, smirking in her direction. "Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents?" In my head I pictured myself, lit up like a disco ball, walking down a busy street and blinding everyone who looked my way, cars crashing together behind me. "There's a reason we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of the nighttime in eighty – odd years." I chuckled. It was a refreshing change being completely honest with another person.

"So that's where the legends came from?"

"Probably."

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?" Bella questioned me about my sister and brother.

"No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could." I couldn't count how many times Alice and I had sat, me listening to her thoughts, trying to decipher her cryptic past. We had searched various newspapers for missing persons articles, microfiche archives, internet searches for genealogy, and turned up nothing. However, maybe it was easier to not know where you came from, to not remember what or who you've missed. "If she hadn't had that other sense," I continued. "If she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."

Bella's eyes were locked on mine as she sat in silence just taking everything in. I could tell by the look in her eyes there was so much more she wanted to ask and to know. I heard her stomach rumble faintly and realized that I had forgotten that she needed to eat. "I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner." I apologized.

"I'm fine, really."

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget."

"I want to stay with you." She whimpered her voice full of longing. I was glad it was dark outside, for the light would have given away the crooked smile that creped across my face at her request. If she had seen my smile, she would have also seen the relief on my face as well, the relief that she was addicted to me nearly as much as I was addicted on her.

"Can't I come in?" I asked, suggesting that I too was not ready to part ways with her either. _Ironic_, I thought, _asking the human to invite a vampire into her house, how cliché_!

"Would you like to?"

"Yes, if that's all right." I answered as I exited the car and closed the car door. With vampire speed, I crossed to the passenger side and opened it for her.

"Very Human." She praised me. She looked into my face and smiled. Her beauty was striking. The human part of me was driving me to lean in for a tender moment. I wanted to press my lips against hers, wrap my fingers in her long auburn hair.

"It's definitely resurfacing." I laughed quietly. I escorted her in silence to the door. _This was it_, I thought, _no turning back or running away, she had my heart, my life, under her spell_. I used my vampire speed to snatch the hidden key and unlock the door. I slowed to open the door for her.

As Bella walked through the open door, she paused halfway through the frame, turned to me and asked, "The door was unlocked?"

"No, I used the key from under the eave," I told her, holding the shiny silver key in between my fingers.

I followed her into the house, where she again paused, turned to me with an asking look on her face. _You blew it Edward_, I thought to myself. She had never used that key with me. This was supposed to be my first visit to her home. "I was curious about you." I explained.

"You spied on me?" She scolded me. I could tell by the tone in her voice that she was trying to be angry with me, but couldn't muster enough outrage to do it. I think she was actually slightly thrilled by the idea.

"What else is there to do at night?" I teased, smiling a big crooked smile in her direction. She smiled back and shook her head at me, probably thinking _stupid kid_. She turned to head towards the kitchen, but I beat her there. I sat down at the kitchen table and she stared at me, as if she were waiting for me to disappear into a cloud of smoke. I watched as she served herself some leftovers from the fridge, warming them in the microwave. The scent of reheated Italian food insulted my sense of smell, so I stopped breathing until it was over.

"How often?" She asked breaking the silence, still staring at the food rotating in the microwave oven.

"Hmmm?" Her question startled my train of thought.

"How often did you come here?"

_You're in for it now, stalker_, I thought.

"I come here almost every night." I told her hesitantly, bracing for her wrath.

She whirled around to look at me, her eyes wide with questions. "Why?"

"You're interesting when you sleep. You talk." I opened up to her. How could I come out and tell her that _I come here because I'm infatuated with you and everything you are, I love to hear you say my name in your sleep, and I am vain enough to love that you are dreaming of me_.

"No!" she blurted out with an embarrassed gasp, her face turned bright red, and she gripped the countertop until her knuckles were white. Suddenly I felt terrible. I had invaded this poor girl's dreams and desires without her permission, I had unintentionally embarrassed her.

"Are you very angry with me?"

"That depends!" She breathlessly yelled at me. If I needed to breathe, she would have knocked the wind out of me with the look on her face. I sat quietly and wide eyed, I now could relate to the deer I prayed upon. I felt like a deer, staring death in the face, not knowing which way to run, waiting for the predator to make the first move. But she remained still so I decided to urge her on.

"On?"

"What you heard!"

I rose from the table and sped to her side. I took her hands into mine and looked deep into her eyes.

"Don't be upset!" I pleaded. I leaned in close to her, deeply inhaled her scent, and whispered into her ear. "You miss your mother, you worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too green.'" I laughed lightly remembering that moment.

"Anything else?" She demanded in a quiet voice. I instantly knew what she wanted to know.

"You did say my name," I admitted to her, looking down at my feet, slightly embarrassed myself.

"A lot?" She sighed.

"How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?" I looked into her eyes and smirked.

"Oh no!" She guffawed and hung her head in shame. In and attempt to comfort her, I pulled her in for a long embrace, resting my head on top of hers.

"Don't be self-conscious," I whispered. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."

The sound of tires on the drive and headlights in the windows was our cue that our moment had come to an end. I felt Bella uncomfortably stiffen in my arms, signaling that her father arriving home wasn't necessarily a good thing at this moment.

"Should your father know I'm here?"

"I'm not sure…"

"Another time then…" And reluctantly, I was off.

I heard a slightly puzzled Bella call my name in a loud whisper, making me chuckle. I would not go far; after all, I would be joining her in her room for the rest of the night.


	8. Chapter 8

I stood among the trees and saw her father turn his key in the lock. My head was spinning. If my heart could beat, it would have its own drum set and melodious rhythm. I listened in on their small talk as they discussed the events of their separate days, Bella leaving my name conveniently out of the picture. I sat in the darkness, waiting for my cue, waiting for Bella to retire to her room for the evening. I would meet her up there. I would be there, waiting for her patiently. I couldn't wait to hear her heartbeat skip a beat and then race as she discovered me there. I couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she discovered me.

"In a hurry?" I overheard Chief Swan ask her.

"Yeah, I'm tired. I'm going to bed early." That was my cue. With lightning speed and springs in my shoes, I bolted for her room. I leapt to her window with great ease, scaling the side of the house like a monkey. I stealthily slid her window open and slipped into her bedroom. I sat down in the corner rocking chair, quietly listening for her steps down the hall.

"No plans tonight?" The chief asked skeptically. _She's acting odd, I wonder if she's sneaking out,_ he thought. If only he knew I was sneaking in!

"No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep."

"None of the boys in town your type, eh?" He inquired, not really wanting to know the answer. His question made me smile. The irony behind his line of questioning, afraid his daughter will get swept off of her feet by some local boy, when in truth, the boy, was inside him home. "I thought maybe that Mike Newton…" I cringed at the mention of Newton's name. I had heard his thoughts about Bella, none of them were particularly honorable and neither were any of his past thoughts or actions with other girls. I couldn't count on my left hand how many times a day I had to fight the urge to end Newton's life over an impure thought about Bella.

"He's just a friend, Dad." She emphasized the word friend. What a relief.

"Well, you're too good for them all, anyway." The Chief backpedaled. _And I'm not ready to deal_ _with that yet_ deal, he thought. Poor guy was still new to the whole parenting thing. "Wait till you get to college to start looking." _Every father's dream_, He thought, _maybe she won't date until long after I'm gone_. Good luck with that Chief, I smiled to myself.

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Bella replied, her foot steps heading up the stairwell.

"Night, honey." _I'll be checking your room later_, Charlie thought.

"See you in the morning, Dad." She called back at him. This was my moment. I got up from the chair and made myself comfortable on her bed. I listened to Bella's steps as they became slower and more tedious. She was really trying to play up her tired excuse. Charlie was still going to come up and check on her. I heard her hand twist the knob on the door and I closed my eyes. She shut the door loudly behind her and attempted to sneak across her room to the window. I watched her throw open the window and lean halfway out looking for me. I readied myself to grab her before she fell out the second story.

"Edward?" She whispered loudly out the window.

"Yes?" I answered her from her bed. She whirled around, her balance wavering, a look of complete surprise on her face.

"Oh!" She breathlessly squealed, sinking to her knees on the floor.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, pursing my lips together trying to hide the look of pleasure on my face. Her heart was flying a million beats a minute.

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart." _What a strange expression_, I thought. Her heart had never truly stopped, but I found her reaction delightful all the same. I sat up on the bed slowly, then reached down and scooped her up from the floor, and placed her feather light figure on the bed next to me.

"Why don't you sit with me," I requested, grasping her warm hand in mine. At least if she was already sitting, maybe she wouldn't be able to fall or get hurt. "How's the heart?" I smiled, listening to her pulse racing at the touch of my hand. It was an interesting feeling, hearing her heart go through, what I could have only imagined mine would do in the presence of my true love. If it was alive that is.

"You tell me, I'm sure you hear it better than I do." She cracked, causing me to quietly laugh. We sat there for a long time in silence, except for her pounding heart, which was slowing with every breath she took and every second that passed. I was in awe. I had been in her room many times before, but never _with_ her. I was always there undetected, always just a fly on the wall. This time, she knew I was there - and it was thrilling. She began to shuffle awkwardly.

"Can I have a minute to be human?" She asked.

"Certainly." I offered her a hand up from the bed. She hesitated for a second, obviously mulling her thoughts over in her head.

"Stay," She instructed me attempting to look stern. Her instructions only made me smile.

"Yes, ma'am." I saluted her and became a statue at the end of her bed. Who was I to defy a direct order? She got up from the bed, grabbed some clothing from a pile on the floor, a bag off of her desk, and crossed to the door opening it slowly. She looked back at me with needful eyes before she slid out the half opened door, closing it gently behind her. I heard her cross the hall and enter the bathroom. She began to bang around loudly, turning the faucet on full bore, dropping items, and practically slamming cupboards. She was not a very good actress, but I enjoyed the thought of her trying. As she started the shower, the smell of the steam filled the upstairs. I could smell her irresistible bouquet filling the room, stronger than when she was sitting next to me. I inhaled her scent deeply. It didn't affect me like it had in the beginning. Her smell, while still intoxicating, held a different type of desire, a more human desire. I wanted to hold her, caress her, and never let her go. But I had to be mindful of my thoughts. I had to control myself. If I lost control of my urges, I might chance the monster in me taking over and hurting my Bella. Something I would never be able to forgive myself for.

I heard the shower shut off, and in less than a minute later, Bella's footsteps pounded down the stairwell. I listened closely trying to figure out what she was doing.

"Night, Dad."

"Night, Bella." _Well, maybe she isn't planning on sneaking out after all._

I heard Bella stumble up the stairwell once more, faster than before, and she swept through the bedroom door, slightly out of breath, closing the door behind her. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on. She stood before me in a pair of grey sweats and a t shirt that was tattered and torn, but she was gorgeous. Her hair was combed straight and was wet from the shower. She looked surprised that I hadn't moved from the spot that she had left me.

"Nice." I complimented her, enjoying the sight. Bella stuck out her tongue; she was obviously displeased with her appearance. "No, it looks good on you."

"Thanks." She whispered, taking her place next to me and looking down to the floor.

"What was all that for?" I inquired of her recent behavior.

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."

"Oh, why?" _Like I didn't know_.

"Apparently, I look a little over excited." She said rolling her eyes and shooting me a sly smile. I lifted my hand to her chin and lifted her eyes from the floor to mine.

"You look very warm, actually." I told her. I looked into her eyes and the desire to kiss her overwhelmed me. I slowly lowered my face to hers; I could hear her heart pound yet again. I breathed in her breath, I was drunk on love. As I leaned in closer, I began to panic. What if I didn't have the power to stop? What if I let the monster get the best of me? Bella's face was inches from mine, her lips trembled, her breath was heavy, and she wanted me as I wanted her. At the last second I turned my face and rested my cheek against hers. She held perfectly still. I drew in her floral scent, closing my eyes and moaning slightly at the idea of her.

"It seems to be… much easier for you, now, to be close to me." Bella pointed out.

"Does it seem that way to you?" I teased as I traced her jaw line with my nose, gently smoothing her damp hair back behind her ear, and tested my strength by lightly kissing her neck just below her perfect ear. I could hear her heart take flight and her breathing next to stopped.

"Much, much easier," she managed to spit out.

"Hmm." I hummed; a crooked smile appeared across my face. I continued pressing my lips softly to her neck and tracing her collarbone lightly with my cold fingertips.

"So, I was wondering…" her voice trailed off.

"Yes?" I questioned her, my lips still pressed to her neck.

"Why is that," her voice trembled. "Do you think?" I chuckled at her question.

"Mind over matter." I answered her.


	9. Chapter 9

**To all my readers, I apologize for not posting like I had promised. My winter vacation became pretty hectic and I didnt get much of a chance to write. But I'm going to try to make up for it this week. And by the word TRY I mean, vacations over but I wont be very busy either. Enjoy this installment, one day I'll go back in and chapter and title all of them as well. Happy 2009. And ENJOY!**

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She pulled away from my touch, causing me to freeze. Had I done something wrong? Had I hurt her? I held my breath and waited for her reaction. The look on her face was stunned. We stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, I knew she was not about to say anything, so I decided I would have to make the first effort.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No - the opposite. You're driving me crazy," she answered breathlessly. I wished she would elaborate, but her response made me smile on the inside. I made her crazy.

"Really?" I said with a surprised tone and a crooked smile crept across my face.

"Would you like a round of applause?" Her question was dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm just pleasantly surprised," I grinned. "In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with… in another way than my brothers and sisters." _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ "And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it… at being with you…" I stopped there. I think I had said too much. I just laid it all out on the table for her to see. My feelings were an open book to her. I felt like there wasn't anything I couldn't share with Bella.

"You're good at everything." Bella pointed out. I shrugged as we both lightly chuckled. I couldn't argue with that, most everything was easy for me.

"But how can it be so easy now? This afternoon…" Her voice trailed off.

"It's not easy." I stated. It wasn't, it never was. This was the hardest thing I had ever done in my entire life, both living and not. "But this afternoon, I was still… undecided." I was so brainless of me for placing her life in danger like that. "I am sorry about that; it was unforgivable for me to behave so." I begged for forgiveness.

"Not unforgivable."

"Thank you," her forgiveness made me smile. "You see, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" I picked up her hand, examining it, and I pressed her warm hand to my cool face. I closed my eyes and embraced the heat from her hand and the sound of her pulse. "And while there was still that possibility that I would be … overcome," I kept my eyes closed, afraid that if I looked into her eyes, I would finally see the fear that would drive her form me. I turned my nose to her wrist and drew in her delicious aroma. I _was_ strong enough; I _would always_ be strong enough for her. "I was… susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I _was_ strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I ever could…" My voice trailed off, for the first time, I was unable to find the words to express myself.

"So there's no possibility now?" She asked me.

"Mind over matter." I teased, looking her in the eyes and smiling a large toothy grin.

"Wow that was easy." She sarcastically remarked, cracking a half smile. I let out a full bodied, belly shaking, and silent laugh.

"Easy for you!" I teased her, playfully touching my finger to the tip of her nose. But what would happen if I couldn't, if matter blinded my mind. My expression became grim. "I'm trying," I tried to explain myself in a pained whisper. "If it gets to be… too much," I looked down at the floor. "I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave." I admitted. The words tore my insides to shreds, and the heartrending look on her face was doing everything but relieving my guilt. "And it will be harder tomorrow. I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

"Don't go away, then." She suggested, her eyes were begging me to stay.

"That suits me." I smiled. "Bring on the shackles," I dared her, clasping my wrists together and grabbing her wrists with my hands. "I'm your prisoner." I smiled a small crooked smile at her and laughed.

"You seem more… optimistic than usual." Bella pointed out. "I haven't seen you like this before."

"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" I smiled. "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

"Very different. More forceful than I had imagined."

Her love for me was forceful. She was returning my sentiment exactly. My ears were practically burning at her words. My mind began flying and the words began pouring from my mouth like lava from a volcano. "For example, the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…" My voice trailed off. The image of that sleazy Mike Newton popped into my head causing me to scowl at his presence. "Do you remember that day Mike asked you to the dance?"

Bella looked puzzled for a moment, recalling the event. "The day you started talking to me again."

She got you on that one Eddie. "I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt – I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual and I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care… And then, the line started forming." The thought of all of those foolish boys throwing themselves at her, lusting after the newest shiny object in town, made me chuckle lightly and her scowl slightly. The thought that they wanted her and I had her made my chest swell with satisfaction. They were unworthy of Bella's beauty, unworthy of her intelligence, and most importantly unworthy of her love. Who was I kidding? I was unworthy of her love as well. I would make it my purpose to prove my worth, to make her happy.

"I waited, unreasonable anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions." Answers that I reveled in and facial expressions that delighted me immensely. "I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure."

Bella sat across from me, patiently listening to my tale of my growing infatuation with her. I couldn't read her mind, but I could tell she was slightly embarrassed, but very interested in what I was saying. So I continued on.

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, of if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry." I couldn't find words to express how angry the idea of Newman's filthy hands on Bella. If I ever saw it, I would be force to remove them… permanently. The anger started to overcome me, causing me to only speak in a hushed tone. "And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name." I could still hear that first "Edward". It was like my own personal lullaby. I would often sit and daydream of that particular moment. I looked into Bella's brown eyes. She was hanging on my every word. Her face was warm with blush. "You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." I sat quietly, gazing at her flattered rosy cheeks, listening to her heartbeat flutter with animation. I was dazzling her again, but she dazzled me always, it was only fair.

"But jealousy… it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" I shook my head again at the mention of the fool's name. I could break him like a small twig.

"I should have known you were listening." Bella moaned with a cheeky grin on her face.

"Of course."

"That made you jealous, though, really?" She asked surprised.

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because its fresh."


	10. Chapter 10

Here you all go, an update! YAY!!! I worked really hard on this tonight. I hope you enjoy. As for the next chapter hopefully we'll be meeting the Family!!! Enjoy and review!

And in case anyone is curious, the songs that inspired this section were, Death Cab for Cutie - I will follow you into the Dark, Rob Pattinson - Never Think, Bella's Lullaby, Blue October - 18th floor Balcony, and Mandy Moore - Crush, Linkin Park - Leave out all the rest, Random I know, but its what was on my shuffle. :)

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"But honestly," Bella happily sighed. "For that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie – Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie – was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?" Rosalie couldn't hold a candle to Bella's beauty and charm. There was no comparison.

"There's no competition." I informed her with a sweet smile. I pulled her arms around me and her body to my chest. Her warm skin ignited my fire. She kept very still, breathing slowly and cautiously, her chest slowly rising and falling against mine. I must find a way to convince her she had nothing to fear from me, even if I was unsure of it myself.

"I know there's no competition." She mumbled as she nestled her face into my chest. "That's the problem." Her statement baffled me. What was so wrong with the security of knowing that I only had eyes for her?

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her own way," _Only on the outside, the inside was as venomous as a black widow_, I thought to myself. I took the opportunity to stress the truth of my words and I looked deep into her eyes and continued, "But even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me." Bella's face flooded with a warm rose color. I wished she was beginning to understand that my sun rose and set with her. I took her hot hand in mine, like vines our fingers intertwined; I looked down at our affectionate hands. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

"It hardly seems fair." She whispered, her face still pressed against my chest, our hands still linked. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?" I couldn't help but smile at her humility. She was so selfless.

"You're right," I quipped with a crooked smile. "I should make this harder for you, definitely." With that I freed my hand, gathering her wrists into my other hand and turning her carefully to face me. I softly ran my hands through her long auburn hair. It was still wet from the shower and with each stroke of my hand I stirred up her luscious scent. The smell of freesia tickled my senses, but _I_ was in control, keeping my inner demon at bay. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much." I over exaggerated and rolled my eyes playfully. "You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity… what's that worth?"

"Very little – I don't feel deprived of anything." She answered coyly.

"Not yet." My mind wandered to all the things I felt deprived of for the past hundred years. I watched my friends and family pass away, leaving their existence a faded memory. I had to keep my distance from others and we moved frequently to keep them from becoming suspicious. I had many other disappointments I chose not to dwell further on because I had Bella now, and she knew my secrets - and she still loved me. No sooner had I stopped wallowing, I heard Charlie contemplating a quick bed check. Bella began to move away from me, I pulled her close and still, startling her I'm sure.

"What –." She began before I silenced her with my awareness. I heard Charlie make his way towards her room. _She is so busted_, he thought. Without hesitation, I released her and disappeared beneath her bed.

"Lie down!" I shushed, hearing her clumsily fall onto her bed, rolling up in the blankets. I laid there silently, listening to Bella's heart race with excitement. If Charlie could hear her heartbeat, he would have surely known something was up. I listened to Charlie crack the door and peer in. _Good kid_, he thought finding Bella safely in her own bed. I listened to Bella breathe. She was over exaggerating, taking deeper than usual breaths, most likely trying to make if obvious she was asleep. Charlie closed the door and I slipped a cool arm around her slender waist and slid under the covers next to her.

"You are a terrible actress," I smiled into her ear. "I'd say that career path is out for you."

"Darn it." She breathed. My muse plucked my inspiration chord and I began to hum the lullaby I had written for her.

"Should I sing you to sleep?" I asked.

"Right, like I could sleep with you in here!"

"You do it all the time."

"But I didn't know you were here." She replied with a hint of frost in her voice.

"If you don't want to sleep..." I ignored her.

"If I don't want to sleep…?" She questioned my ulterior motives.

"What do you want to do then?" I laughed.

She didn't answer me a first. I was sure I had surprised her with my innuendo.

"I'm not sure."

"Tell me when you decide." I told her. Her appeal was overwhelming. I lightly began tracing the graceful curvature of her neckline with the tip of my nose, inhaling her aroma. It was intoxicating every part of me. I wanted her, I could not deny that. But I wanted her in a much different capacity. Not in the way that a predator wants prey, in the way a man would want a woman.

"I thought you were desensitized." She said, her heart pounding like it might leap from her chest and take flight.

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet." I whispered, my lips barely grazing her soft collar as I spoke. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender… or freesia. It's mouthwatering." _Seriously, again with the whole eating thing,_ I cringed slightly.

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell." She rolled her eyes. I laughed at her exaggerated gesture and sighed in relief.

"I've decided what I want to do," She informed me. "I want to hear more about you."

"Ask me anything."

She was quiet for a moment, no doubt trying to gather her thoughts. I used my free hand to gently move her hair away from her face and prop myself up slightly so I could get a better view of her features. She was beautiful, soft and fragile; I could sit for an eternity staring at her. It would be so easy. I laid back down behind her, my arm still around her waist and my face nestled in her soft brunette hair.

"Why do you do it? I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you… are." She got to the point, baffling me in the process. "Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place." She had definitely caught me off guard with this one. I had expected a question about my family, my gift, or my past, not quite a question about my whole belief system. I took a minute to think it through, choosing my words wisely.

"That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others- the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot – they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been … dealt a certain hand … it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above – to conquer the boundaries of a destiny none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can." _Good job Edward, no allusions to eating or food_, I mentally patted myself on the back. She laid with her back to me, very still for a moment, almost too still, like I may have put her to sleep.

"Did you fall asleep?" I whispered.

"No."

"Is that all you were curious about?" I asked. It sure was a good question, and frankly if they were going to get any harder, I wasn't sure if I was ready for her to ask anymore either.

"Not quite." She rolled her eyes and smiled at me.

"What else do you want to know?"

"Why can you read minds – why only you? And Alice, seeing the future… why does that happen?" I was expecting this one, I could handle it. Mostly because there wasn't much to tell.

"We don't really know," I shrugged. "Carlisle has a theory… he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified- like our minds, and our senses. He thinks I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was." I explained.

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her" _Choose your words carefully Edward,_ my mind told me. Rosalie's beauty was most definitely intensified, but so was her ability to be a royal pain and her selfishness. "Tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness." I laughed. I hit the nail right on the head with that one. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him – calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift." She sat in solitude for a moment, digesting all of the information I had just given her. I waited patiently, tracing her forearm with my finger tip.

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…" She was full of so many questions.

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on it own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal with the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight," she said, "I'm the baby seal, right?"

"Right," I laughed and lightly kissed her hair. She was hesitant for a moment. I could tell she wanted to do or say something, but she relaxed, seemingly changing her mind.

"Are you ready to sleep?" I asked her. "Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two." She snickered inaudibly.

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" I reminded her, feeling her sigh in relief and her body relax further.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning?" She teased. "You are mythical after all."

"I won't leave you." I promised.

"One more, then, tonight…" she said stuttering. I could feel her body heat up, I was sure she was blushing. I wanted to hear this question.

"What is it?"

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella, you can ask me anything."

She laid there silent, and the silence was frustrating. I've always known what others were thinking, practically before they did. I groaned with aggravation.

"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it gets worse and worse." I explained myself.

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking." She tried to reassure me.

"Please?" I practically begged; the desperation was blatant in my voice.

She shook her head.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it actually is." I informed her of my undying pessimism. "Please?" I pleaded a last time.

"Well," she began, stalling.

"Yes?"

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon." I felt her flush red hot again. "Is that… marriage… the same as it is for humans?"

I laughed, relieved it was not something much more complicated.

"Is that what you're getting at?" I felt her squirm, embarrassed. "Yes, I suppose it is much the same," I smiled. "I told you, most of the human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful ones."

"Oh."

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" I inquired, desiring to know what she was thinking, or dreaming about.

"Well, I did wonder…" She rolled over to face me; her heart began to run a marathon. "About you and me… someday…" Her voice trailed off. My head was spinning; if my heart could beat it would beat faster than hers. For a century, I longed to have someone to call my own, a true love. I often lived envious of Carlisle and Esme, Alice and Jasper, even Rosalie and Emmett, though most of the time I despised their displays of affection. If only I had known I would find her, one hundred years into my future, and she would be a human, of all things. The worst part of it was that she was human, which made our union, virtually impossible in another capacity other than what we had now. My still heart shattered into a million pieces.

"I don't think that… that… would be possible for us." I barely spoke.

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that… close?" Bella choked out, her heart obviously hurting from my answer.

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." I stifled. I could hardly speak to her my heart was so broken. I carefully laid my cool palm against her warm cheek. "If I was too hasty… if for even one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

I waited for her response, but she only sat quietly, pondering. Perhaps she was realizing that we had no real future; that it was best to get out now before I did hurt her, or worse. Why couldn't I hear what she was thinking? The silence was maddening.

"Are you scared?" I asked her, disrupting the stillness.

"No, I'm fine." She was fine? How could she be fine? How could she be fine with the idea that next time we're in bed, I could reach out for her and her life would be over. That she would never get to experience anything other than respectful pecks on the cheek or the lips. I don't know about her, but she had such an effect on me I longed for passion. I wanted to hold her close, pull her in for deep meaningful kisses that lasted for more than a singular second. Perhaps she had already experienced these things? She did have a life before me; possibly she had other men in her life before me.

"I'm curious now, though," I inquired of her, unsure if I wanted to know the truth. "Have you ever…?" My voice trailed off. What was I going to say? I was as embarrassed as she was, sans the rosy red color in my skin.

"Of course not." She reddened even more. "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close." Relief washed over me, I was not the only inexperienced one in this room.

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."

"They do for me." She said matter of factly. "Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all." She sighed.

"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." It was my backwards way of telling her we were both in virgin territory.

"Your human instincts…" She stopped, unsure of how to ask her question. I waited patiently, if I had learned one thing about Bella, she would speak when she was good and ready. "Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?"

I chuckled at her query and scrunched her nearly dry tendrils.

"I may not be human, but I am a man." I assured her. She yawned reluctantly. I took that as a sign she was up much past her bedtime. "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep."

"I'm not sure if I can." She fought.

"Do you want me to leave?" I scolded her playfully.

"No!" she squealed loudly causing me to laugh at the look of surprise the volume caused her features to take on. I began to hum her lullaby softly into her ear, holding her in my arms, her heat warming my cool skin, even through the blankets she had wrapped around her. More tired than she would have admitted, she quickly drifted off to sleep, dreaming of me again, I hoped.


	11. Chapter 11

**Another update for you all. Enjoy and review!**

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The night was peaceful, and before I knew it, the darkness outside was slowly becoming light, casting subtle shadows across her bedroom walls. Bella didn't talk in her sleep tonight, most likely because she was sleeping with her head resting on my frozen chest. I ran my fingers slowly through her silken hair.

She took a deep breath and sighed, "I love you Edward." My eyes grew large and I froze like a statue. She loved me. She returned my love. My mind was on fire. I kissed her hair and inhaled deeply. Her love was exhilarating. I needed to run; I needed to shout her love for me and my love for her to the sky. Mostly I wanted to shout it outside of Mike Newton's bedroom window. I stroked her hair as Esme's words shuffled through my head, 'Bring her home to meet us. If she means the world to you, I promise you she means the world to us.' It was time. I was ready. I was sure Alice had seen it by now. I would run home quick to make sure they were ready. Then I would ask Bella. I decided I would use this excitement and I would take this opportunity to race home and consult the family.

I launched myself out her window and was off to the races in no time. In less than 5 minutes I made it to the old Cullen homestead. I raced in and up to my room, changing my clothes quickly, ran my fingers through my hair and headed back down the stairs. I found my siblings in the living room. Emmett and Jasper were engaged in a round of chess and Alice was browsing the newest collections on her laptop. Alice looked up from the screen.

"I'm so glad you've decided to bring Bella here to meet us!" Her voice rang like wind chimes. She set her computer aside and crossed the room, placing her hand on Jasper's shoulder. "Esme and Carlisle are out picking up provisions; Rose is in the garage, you know how she feels."

"That ain't the half of it," Emmett chimed in, his eyes never leaving the chess board.

"Don't mind Emmett, he's just mad, he lost our bet." Alice said, flashing Emmett a smile. That's right, they bet whether or not I'd bring Bella home or not, I'd completely forgotten. Besides, you had to be an idiot to bet against Alice.

"I don't care how she feels, Alice."

"I know, and Jasper will be fine, he won't hurt her, I've seen it. It will be good, Edward, I promise. We will all love her."

"Thanks Alice." I was grateful for her gift. It made things much easier at times.

"Now you had better hurry back to Bella," Alice warned with a smile. "We'll be here waiting for your arrival."

And with that I was out the door, running back towards my love. The world around me was a blur, I was as they have said, 'blinded by love'. I could see her rusty red truck in the distance, growing larger as I got closer. I reached the house and in one bound, I reached her window. I slipped in and back into the rocker, like I hadn't been gone.

I heard Charlie's alarm go off, twice. Both times I also heard him slam the snooze button with his hand and his muddled thoughts were nearly a foreign language. I heard him lazily make his way to the bathroom, and ready himself for a day of fishing. I heard him sneak down the stairs trying to avoid waking Bella. The door closed, lock turned, he popped her truck hood and reattached the battery cables, fired up his engine and pulled away. Like a set of detached battery cables would keep this strong-willed girl down. I sat there, watching Bella's chest rise and fall with each breath, living in my wildest dream. She began to stir, her eyes fluttering and opening slowly, the light from the window shone on her soft face. I quickly got up and pulled the curtains tight, and positioned myself back in the rocking chair continuing to watch her sleep, which didn't carry on much longer.

"Oh!" She sat up quickly, looking around the room, taking in her surroundings.

"Your hair looks like a haystack… but I like it." I chuckled at her disorientated state. She was adorable. Like a child on Christmas morning.

"Edward! You stayed!" She cheered flinging her arms around my neck and hoping into my lap. If she greeted me like that every time I surprised her, I would have to do it more often. She froze as she began to process what she had just done, her shocked eyes gazed into mine, awaiting a reaction.

I laughed, "Of course." I smiled and rubbed her back to reassure her that her actions were quite welcome. She leaned her head softly against my shoulder, lightly embracing me. I smelled her glorious scent and for a moment I almost felt warm inside.

"I was sure it was a dream."

"Your not that creative," I teased her.

"Charlie!" She jumped and ran to the door, afraid he had heard her little outburst.

"He left an hour ago – after reattaching your battery cables, I might add." I shook my head, still disappointed in his feeble attempt to keep her from sneaking out. "I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?" She stood there for a few minutes, deliberating, with a look of confusion on her face.

"You're not usually this confused in the morning," I pointed out, reaching out for her hand to return her to my lap.

She deliberated again for a second and hesitantly took a step towards the door. "I need another human minute." She admitted.

"I'll wait." I told her as she exited the room with a bounce in her step. I heard the bathroom door close and the water turn on. I forgot about all those silly human needs. Food, restrooms, and showers were not exactly high on a vampires list. I looked at the pictures around the room, most of them from her childhood, pictures of birthdays, Christmases, and her parents. They all seemed to stop at a young age, probably when her parents split up. After that there were a few pictures of just her and Charlie. She looked like him, same hair, same eyes, and same smile. She had a few pictures of her mother in a frame on her night table. They looked like mother and daughter, but the similarities seemed to stop there. She was undeniably Charlie's child. I heard the faucet turn off, the bathroom door open, and her steps crossing the hall.

"Welcome back." I smiled at her as she entered the room and I reached out to her again. This time she greeted my gesture with a smile and placed her hand in mine, climbing into my lap. I listened to her excited heart thump erratically in her chest as I rocked her. She placed her hand on my chest, and I could tell she noticed I was dressed differently. She looked up at my face, no doubt noticing my hair was wind blown.

"You left?" She accused me, pulling at my shirt collar.

"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in – what would the neighbors think?" I teased with a smile. Bella stuck out her lower lip in a pout.

"You were deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything." I winked at her. "The talking came earlier."

"What did you hear?" She groaned.

"You said you loved me."

"You knew that already."

"It was nice to hear, just the same."

"I love you," she whispered burying her face in my chest.

"You are my life now." I told her, resting my chin on her head. We sat in that rocker for some time, just holding each other close.

"Breakfast time." I casually broke the silence. She grabbed her throat, and stared at me, her eyes were wide. Did she think I meant she would be my breakfast? Oh what had I said? _Way to go stupid, she thinks you meant she would be the breakfast, not eat breakfast! _ A look of shock crossed my face.

"Kidding!" She laughed, "And you said I couldn't act!" I did not find this action amusing and frowned.

"That wasn't funny."

"It was very funny, and you know it." She continued, happy she had bested me. She had gotten me, I had to admit it. The shock slowly left me, and I began to relax. She examined my eyes, making sure I was alright. How could I not forgive her?

"Shall I rephrase?" I asked. "Breakfast time for the human."

"Oh, okay."

In one swift movement I threw her over my shoulder and started down the stairs. She used her hands to pick at me and kicked and trashed and tried to escape my grasp, to no avail. We reached the kitchen and I plopped her rear end into a chair at the table.

"What's for breakfast?"

Her questioned confused me. Did she want me to cook? Was I supposed to know what we were having?

"Er, I'm not sure. What would you like?" I asked her.

She hopped up from her chair grinning playfully. "That's all right; I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt." She winked at me. She was so giddy this morning. She rooted in a cupboard for a bowl and grabbed a spoon from a drawer. She crossed the kitchen and grabbed a box of cereal from another cupboard and the milk from the fridge. I watched her mix her ingredients together, and place them on the table. "Can I get you anything?" She asked politely.

"Just eat Bella," I answered as I rolled my eyes. I sat down across from her, watching her eat. It was so different to see someone actually eating food they didn't have to choke up again later. I had to remember her human needs more often.

"What's on the agenda for today?" She asked me, putting another spoonful of cereal in her mouth.

"Hmmm…" I teased her, pretending to ponder. "What would you say to meeting my family?" She swallowed hard. "Are you afraid now?"

"Yes." She admitted her eyes wide with anxiety.

"Don't worry," I smirked. "I'll protect you."

"I'm not afraid of them." She explained. "I'm afraid they won't… like me. Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone… like me… home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?"

"Oh they already know everything. They'd taken bets yesterday, you know." Her reaction made me smile. This silly girl was going to a house full of vampires and was more worried about them liking her than them trying to eat her. "On whether I'd bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine. At any rate, we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that." _Poor Emmett_, I thought and shook my head.

"And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that." She chimed in.

"You paid attention." I smiled, impressed with her memory.

"I've been known to do that every now and then." She chuckled. "So did Alice see me coming?"

"Something like that." I told her, remembering Alice's vision and Bella's blood red eyes. I shuffled in my chair uncomfortably and turned to the side, breaking our eye contact.

"Is that any good?" I asked changing the subject as I gestured at her cereal. "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing." I teased.

"Well, it's no irritable grizzly…" She mocked me. I rose from my chair, and walked into the kitchen, still trying to get Alice's vision out of my head. I stared out the windows, looking into the woods. I shook the vision from my head, and turned back towards Bella.

"And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think."

"He already knows you." She said, trying to avoid the inevitable.

"As your boyfriend, I mean." Bella's eyes widened, a hint of a smile touched the corner or her lips.

"Why?" She asked suspiciously.

"Isn't that customary?" I asked her. I knew I would feel more comfortable if he knew who she was spending her time with, mostly to hold myself accountable.

"I don't know." She replied in an unsure tone. "That's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to… I mean, you don't have to pretend for me."

"I'm not pretending." I smiled, trying to reassure her. She had a skewed perception of herself. Why wouldn't I want to be with someone as beautiful as her? She pushed her cereal around in the bowl, biting her lower lip, like she didn't know how to let me down. Was she ashamed of me? Being unable to hear her thoughts was excruciating.

"Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?" I demanded, trying to keep my frustration at bay.

"Is that what you are?"

"It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy', I'll admit." I stalled.

"I was under the impression that you were something more, actually." She whispered looking down at the table. I felt like I was the worst man in the world. I pressed her for an answer based on my own insecurities, not realizing it was because she thought me better than a mere 'boyfriend'. I felt like an old fool.

"Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details," I started as I sat down in the chair across from her. I reached over and placed my icy fingers under her chin, lifting her striking gaze to mine. "But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me."

"Will you be?" She asked anxiously, trying to hide her excited smile. "Will you really be here?"

"As long as you want me." I assured her

"I'll always want you," She looked me right in the eyes; her big, beautiful brown eyes focused intensely on mine. "Forever." Had I been human, she would have sent chills down my spine. I got up from my chair slowly walked around the table, pausing to touch her cheek with my fingertips. The look of a man in love was written all over my face. Then the memory of forever for her was much shorter than my own; and a wave of sadness hit me.

"Does that make you sad?" She asked, obviously my feeling had made itself known. We stared into each other's eyes for an unknown amount of minutes.

I put on my best smile and asked her, "Are you finished?"

"Yes." She answered hopping up from her chair.

"Get dressed – I'll wait here." I told her, watching her deposit her bowl in the sink and bound up the stairs to her room. I thought about 'forever'. Her word had shaken me to the core. She was the love of my lifetime, but her lifetime was so much shorter than mine. I resolved at that moment to not think of this any longer, that I would live everyday with Bella to the absolute fullest; I would cross that bridge at the end of Bella's lifetime 90 years from now, when it became reality. I heard her happy footsteps come bounding down the stairs.

"Okay," she chimed. "I'm decent." I looked up the stairwell and saw her in all her loveliness. She was wearing a long khaki skirt and a beautiful dark blue blouse that hugged her dangerous curves, emphasized the coffee color in her eyes, and brought out the red hues in her long curly hair. She hit the final step with a small childish hop, bouncing right into me. I caught her clumsy self, steadying her before I pulled her in close to me.

"Wrong again," I whispered into her ear, my lips brushing her soft ear with every word I spoke. "You are utterly indecent – no on should look so tempting, it's not fair."

"Tempting how? I can go change…" She inquired, obviously worried that I meant tempting in a bad way.

I looked at her and shook my head. "You are so absurd." I leaned in and pressed my cold lips against her hot forehead. Her floral scent entered my nose, and lit me on fire. I would have to hunt soon, but until then I enjoyed the burn. How very masochistic of me. "Shall I explain how you are tempting me? I asked her as I ran my fingers gently down her back, tracing her spine with my finger tips. Her hands were on my chest, holding me in my place. I leaned in feeling her hot breath on my face, until our lips touched tenderly. Her warm lips emblazoned my cool lips for a short sweet kiss. I pulled away slightly but the passion took over my control and I kissed her again, still tender, yet more eager this time, parting our lips slightly. I felt her body let go and relax its control. I felt her lose her balance as she collapsed alarmingly in my arms.

"Bella?" I called her name, trying to revive her.

"You… made… me…faint," she accused me, still shaky, her eyes still closed.

"What am I going to do with you?" I teased, relieved she had only fainted. "Yesterday I kiss you, you attack me! Today you pass out on me!" She chuckled lightly, still lying in my arms not steady enough to stand.

"So much for being good at everything."

"That's the problem," she said. "You're too good. Far, far too good."

"Do you feel sick?" I inquired. Last time she had fainted, the dizziness had not sat well with her.

"No- that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all. I don't know what happened. I think I forgot to breath." _Silly Bella, I must remind her later that it is essential for humans to breathe_, I thought to myself. The color was returning to her cheeks now, and she was beginning to look much better.

"I can't take you anywhere like this."

"I'm fine." She insisted. "Your family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?" I looked her over once again to see if she was serious. Her color was good, and she was crazy for loving me.

"I am partial to that color of your skin," I pointed out to her, making her blush a warm reddish pink. The blue blouse complimented this skin color as well.

"Look, I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?" She asked.

"And you're worried, not because you're headed to a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?" I asked her, still bemused by her logic.

"That's right." She answered quickly and deliberately.

"You're incredible." I told her, and she truly was.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Another update!!! Aren't you lucky people!!! I probably won't update again for at least another week. The next chapter is pretty writing intensive and it going to take lots of focus and rewrites. I'm getting very close to the baseball scene. So be patient with me, enjoy the updates, and I promise, its soon to get much more exciting.**_

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Bella was buckled into the passenger seat of her rickety old truck and surprisingly let me drive without objection. We had just passed through the small one horse town of Forks and had reached the bridge at the Calawah River. I looked over at her, watching her watch the road, seemingly memorizing the way as we drove. She hadn't been to the house before, most towns people haven't. The homes along the road grew further and further apart as we got closer to home. Soon there were no more homes, just trees as far as the eyes could see. I took the regular left hand turn onto our gravel drive and continued on until the yard came into clear view. I watched Bella's delighted reaction as Esme's pride and joy emerged from the thick green foliage. The large faded white mansion, stood like a monument among the dense greenery. Her eyes grew large at the enormity of the house. I don't think she quite expected it to look this cheerful. Perhaps she was expecting a graveyard or a crypt. I parked the truck in front of the house.

"Wow." Seemed to be the only way she could sum up her feelings.

"You like it?" I asked.

"It… has a certain charm." She quipped, smiling back at me. I tugged her ponytail playfully and chuckled. I got out of the drivers side and with vampire speed, I opened hers.

"Ready?" I asked her, extending my hand to her.

"Not even a little bit – let's go." She tried to laugh it off taking my hand, but I could see her nerves starting to get to her. She began to tug at her clothes, trying to smooth and straighten them.

"You look lovely," I reminded her, grabbing her hand again and giving it a small squeeze and leading the way to the door. We walked up the front porch to the door; I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb, trying to reassure her it was going to be alright. I opened the front door and invited her inside. I watched the wonder in her eyes as she took in the grand foyer of our home. It was bright and airy and beautifully decorated thanks to Esme and Alice's good taste. I could instantly tell; it wasn't what she expected. Perhaps she was expecting coffins. Carlisle and Esme greeted us in the family room. For all intensive purposes, they were my parents, and I wanted this meeting to go well, their approval meant the world to me. I knew they would love Bella as I did, I just hoped it would go smoothly. Esme had a wide, lovely smile upon her face. I was beginning to thing she was more excited about meeting Bella than Alice was. Esme didn't look old enough to be my mother, much as Carlisle didn't look old enough to be my father. Occasionally, when we relocated, Esme would be my older sister; this helped our cover story and allowed us to homestead longer. If it was any consolation, I loved them like they were my real parents.

"Carlisle, Esme," I introduced. "This is Bella."

"You're very welcome, Bella." Carlisle greeted her, extending his hand carefully, as not to frighten her. Bella politely reached out and shook his hand in return.

"It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen."

"Please, call me Carlisle." _She is wonderful Edward_, he thought.

"Carlisle," she repeated and grinned. I felt myself relax at her side, happy she seemed so comfortable. I could hear Esme's thoughts buzzing. She was very anxious to get her turn with Bella as well.

"It's very nice to know you," Esme gushed, reaching out for Bella's hand, smiling sweetly. _She's_ _beautiful, Edward_, she added for my own personal benefit.

"Thank you. I'm glad to meet you, too." Bella exchanged, shaking Esme's hand as well. I was glad to see Bella was at ease, and delighted to see the Carlisle and Esme approved of our love.

"Where are Alice and Jasper?" I asked as they appeared at the top of the long curving staircase.

"Hey Edward!" Alice called excitedly. She quickly flitted down the stairs like a little butterfly bouncing from flower to flower. She landed on the wood floor gracefully in front of Bella, who looked slightly stunned at Alice's very eager advances.

"Hi Bella!" Alice said as she bounced forward and gave her a welcoming peck on the cheek. Carlisle and Esme's faces were in complete shock. _It's about time Edward, I was beginning to wonder if you were going to show_, she directed at me. "You do smell nice, I never noticed before," Alice commented to Bella. I felt my body stiffen at her statement, I could feel Bella's body temperature rise with embarrassment. I'm sure if I had the ability to blush, I would be blushing as well; Alice's approach not only made me nervous, but embarrassed me as well. An awkward silence hushed our conversation for but a moment, and then Jasper appeared among us.

"Hello Bella," Jasper said in a hushed tone, keeping his distance. I knew it must be very hard for him, knowing he was so new to our life style. I looked to Alice for guidance. _He'll be ok, don't worry_, she thought.

"Hello Jasper." Bella greeted him with a shy smile. "It's nice to meet you all – you have a very beautiful home." She complimented.

"Thank you," Esme accepted, "We're so glad you came." _She's very brave Edward._

I smiled in Esme's direction, letting her know I agreed with her observation. I took notice that Emmett and Rosalie were nowhere to be seen. I would have thought at least Emmett would have come to greet Bella; he seemed interested in meeting her. I was sure Rose was his main hesitation.

_It seems to be going well. I'm glad you are happy my son. Don't worry, Rosalie and Emmett will come around._ Carlisle thought, giving me a meaningful stare. _Alice sees some visitors in our area. You had best keep Bella close and keep her out of the woods. They are very curious about us, and know we're around. Be mindful and vigilant_. I nodded a small nod in acknowledgment.

"Do you play?" I heard Esme ask of Bella. Bella must have seen the grand piano in the corner.

She shook her head, "Not at all. But it's so beautiful. Is it yours?" That's right; I hadn't told her of my musical aptitude.

"No," Esme's laugh tickled the air. "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?"

"No," I felt Bella's playfully accusing glare on me. I looked away, feigning innocence. "I should have known I guess." Esme raised an eyebrow to Bella's response.

"Edward can do everything, right?" Bella teased. I heard Jasper snicker, and Esme gave me a sweet but scolding look.

"I hope you haven't been showing off - it's rude," Esme admonished.

"Just a bit," I laughed quietly at her mothering. _Edward Cullen, I hope your being a gentleman_, she thought.

"He's been too modest actually." Bella pointed out.

"Well, play for her," Esme prodded me.

"You said showing off was rude," I kidded her.

"There are exceptions to every rule." She pointed out.

"I'd like to hear you play." Bella chimed in.

"It's settled then." Esme said, taking my arm and leading me to the bench. I grabbed Bella's arm, bringing her along for the ride. I set her on the black bench beside me and gave her a long maddened look. It was almost like having real parents, bragging about my accomplishments and showing me off in front of company. Bella looked very interested in what I was about to do. I turned towards the ivories and thought for a moment. I decided to play Esme's favorite piece. She did set me up for this after all. I let my hands tickle the ivories; my fingers had their own memories, knowing exactly where to land at the exact time to land there. No mistakes, no wrong notes, no sharps in stead of flats, the music flowed from my fingertips to the keys, flawless in every way.

"You wrote this?" Bella asked of me, her voice sounded surprised.

I nodded, "It's Esme's favorite." I noticed Bella closed her eyes, shaking her head in disbelief. "What's wrong?"

"I'm feeling extremely insignificant."

I allowed the music to slow and transition into my newest composition, Bella's lullaby. I played a few bars and leaned into her ear and whispered softly. "You inspired this one." The music became sweet and soft, much like a lullaby should be. I heard everyone quietly step out of the room. _How lovely_, Esme thought. _Have fun Edward!_, Alice's small voice twinkled in my head as she exited with Jasper.

"They like you, you know," I assured Bella. "Esme especially." I felt Bella relax further. She glanced around the room, noticing that everyone had ducked out silently to give us our privacy.

"Where did they go?" She asked.

"Very subtly giving us some privacy, I suppose." I continued to play for her and I heard her sigh.

"They like me. But Rosalie and Emmett…" Her voice trailed off. I could tell she was disappointed, and I was in turn disappointed with them also.

"Don't worry about Rosalie," I looked her in the eyes. _Everyone knows I don't_, I thought. "She'll come around," I assured her.

She pursed her lips skeptically, "Emmett?"

"Well," I explained. "He thinks I'm a lunatic, it's true, but he doesn't have a problem with you. He's trying to reason with Rosalie." Trying to reason with Rosalie was harder than wrestling a wild, ravenous grizzly; I didn't envy Emmett's job.

"What is it that upsets her?" Bella inquired. _What doesn't upset Rosalie?_ It was days like this I was glad Rosalie didn't have the gift of reading thoughts. I sighed, trying to come up with a way to answer he question.

"Rosalie struggles most with… what we are. It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth." I explained, "And she's a little jealous."

"Rosalie is jealous of me?" She asked; a look of complete shock on her face. Bella didn't seem to understand what a gift being human was. How much we missed out on because we had to hide what we were.

"You're human." I pointed out and shrugged. "She wished that she were, too." As did I and most of my family. The only thing our immortality seemed to reward us with was each other.

"Oh," Bella responded, seemingly beginning to understand our plight. "Even Jasper, though…"

"That's really my fault. I told you he was the most recent to our way of life. I warned him to keep his distance." I warned him so as to not put him in any compromising position that would cause him pain and set him up for failure.

"Esme and Carlisle…?"

"Are happy to see me happy." I finished her sentence. "Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet." I smiled at her and her face turned slightly pink. "All this time she's been worried about me, afraid that there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me…" I trailed off thinking of the pity looks I used to receive. "She's ecstatic. Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction." I smiled. Her reaction, no matter how loving, was still priceless.

"Alice seems very… enthusiastic." Bella said politely. It was true; Alice could be very overwhelming at times.

"Alice has her own way of looking at things," I tiptoed around the subject, not wanting to get into the actual things she saw. _Yeah, first she sees then; then they happen._

"And you're not going to explain that are you?" I sat there in silence, not able to explain Alice's visions to her. Once she realized I wasn't going to answer her question, she began a whole new line of questioning.

"So, what was Carlisle telling you before?" She was very observant.

I examined her face, trying to decide whether or not she could handle the news. However, she had made it this far, she hadn't run from the house in terror yet. "He wanted to tell me some news – he didn't know if it was something I would share with you."

"Will you?"

"I have to, because I'm going to be a little… overbearingly protective over the next few days – or weeks – and I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant." I smiled at her and looked back down at the keys, my fingers still flying away, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"What's wrong?" She asked with a concerned look on her face.

"Nothing's wrong, exactly." I stalled, trying to smooth over the situation. "Alice just sees some visitors coming soon. They know we're here, and they are curious."

"Visitors?" Her concerned look turned more fearful.

"Yes…" _Explain it to her_, my mind told me, _she can handle it. She needs to know for her own safety_. "Well, they aren't like us, of course – in their hunting habits, I mean. They probably won't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sight until they're gone." I tried to reassure her safety. I felt her shiver with fear. "Finally, a rational response!" I murmured. "I was beginning to think you had no sense of self preservation at all." I winked at her. She ignored my rousing, and looked around the large open floor plan again.

"Not what you expected, is it?" I was curious to know what she expected.

"No."

"No coffins, no piled skulls in corners; I don't even think we have cobwebs… what a disappointment this must be for you." I joked with a sly smile on my face.

"It's so light and open." She ignored me again, and looked up towards the high vaulted ceilings.

"It's the one place we never have to hide." I took a more serious tone. This house was our sanctuary. We didn't have to sleep in coffins on sunny days, or hide under rocks. Here we could soak up the suns rays, and feel it's warmth on our cold marble skin. The tempo of the lullaby slowed as I came to the final stanzas. She listened attentively as I hit the final key. The sound resonated in the air for what seemed like minutes. I looked for Bella's response, only to find her, next to me, lovely as ever, with tears in the corners of her eyes.

"Thank you." She blubbered, her face turning a rosy pink color, reaching her hands up to wipe away the moisture. I noticed she missed a small tear in the outer corner of her soft brown eye. I reached up, listing to her heart take off in a staccato pace, as I touched her face and brushed the rogue tear onto my thumb. It had been a century since I had last shed a single tear. The down fall to being a vampire; you could certainly cry, but they were painful dry heaving sobs that were never truly rewarding because of the lack of tears. I wondered for a moment, being a well read man, with a PhD, I had read in a medical journal that there was a significant similarity between blood and tears. So I did the unthinkable. In a lighting fast move, I placed my damp thumb in my mouth. _Salt._ The composition may be similar but the taste was definitely not the same. Part of me was hoping to taste her in some capacity, but to no avail. I looked into Bella's eyes; she had a confused look on her face. Had she seen me? I was officially embarrassed. I waited for her to ask why I had done it; and what would I tell her? _Since I can't drink your blood, I thought I'd taste test your tears. Smooth, Edward_. But she never said a word.

I smiled at her as my embarrassment faded. "Do you want to see the rest of the house?"

"No coffins?" She teased me sarcastically. I couldn't help but laugh and I took her hand, leading her away from the baby grand.

"No coffins." I grinned.


	13. Chapter 13

My apologies for taking so long to update! I have been horribly sick with a bad case of bronchitis, and writing was nearly impossible. This is a short update I warn you now, this chapter is just becoming SO long, I have to chop it up so it'll be 100,000 words by the time I'm done with it.

Enjoy! Read and review. I am updating right now but still writing at the same time... if your lucky, I may update again tomorrow!

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I led her up the grand circular staircase as she admired our beautiful home. I hoped Esme was listening, I knew she would love the complimentary "ohs" and "ahs". Bella's beautiful chocolate brown eyes took everything in. The upstairs hallway was long and open. Windows and a balcony lined the left wall and ornate mahogany paneling covered the left. She traced the intricate paneling with her fingers, and ran her hand along the matching hand carved railing. I led her down the hallway towards our respective rooms.

"Rosalie and Emmett's room," I gestured to the door on my right. "Carlisle's office," I pointed to the left. Carlisle had the good sense to move his office away from Rose and Emmett's room; they had a tendency to shake the frames from the walls and books from the shelves. Down the hall and to the right was another door. "Alice's room." I pointed out.

We reached the end of the long hallway, and were greeted by Carlisle's greatest antiquity. Bella's jaw dropped as she took in the enormity of the piece. The wooden cross hanging above our heads was probably 4 feet tall by about 3 feet wide. Honestly, it had been a long time since I had given it the attention its history deserved. It was simple, but elegant for its dates. I looked over at Bella, whose face was frozen with a puzzled expression. I suppose she probably found it ironic. The damned hanging a sacred symbol on the wall; I was sure this created quite a paradox in her mind.

"You can laugh." I tried to lighten her expression. "It is sort of ironic." But she didn't laugh, rather she reached up to touch the holy artifact, stopping short of actually touching it, and I watched her eyes trace its massive shape and admire the contrast of the antiqued patina to the nearly white wall.

"It must be very old." She commented. She never ceased to amaze me.

"Early sixteen-thirties, more or less." I casually shrugged. Its age truly held nothing for me but reminders of my atonement. She turned to look at me, her eyes full of wonder, like she was beginning to realize my true age, centenarian.

"Why do you keep this here?"

"Nostalgia. It belonged to Carlisle's father." I explained.

"He collected antiques?" She asked obviously not realizing that Carlisle was nearly as old as the crucifix itself.

"No. He carved that himself. It hung on the wall above the pulpit in the vicarage where he preached." It was then that I saw the wheels turn in Bella's beautiful head and a look of shock washed over her face as she returned her eyes to the ancient artifact. By now she had realized that the cross was well over three hundred and seventy years old, and I was sure she was questioning how old Carlisle was. We stood there for a while, looking at the wall, neither of us spoke. I wished I could hear what she was thinking. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. I could see her struggling to wrap the concept of nearly four centuries around her mind. I couldn't blame her, until now I had wished I hadn't been around for over one. I realized now that she was the purpose, I was meant to be with Bella, she was the reason for my immortality, she was meant for me.

"Are you all right?" I asked her, ending our deep moment.

"How old is Carlisle?" She finally asked, never looking away from the wall.

"He just celebrated his three hundred and sixty-second birthday." I answered her. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and turned to me, her eyes were full of questions. "Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen-forties, he believes. Time wasn't marked as accurately then, for the common people anyway. It was just before Cromwell's rule though." I stopped, evaluating her eyes, waiting for her questions. Her face was composed, not at all what I had expected. However, I learned with Bella to expect the unexpected.

"He was the only son of an Anglican pastor. His mother died giving birth to him. His father was an intolerant man." _Which explains Carlisle's compassion_, I thought. "As the Protestants came into power, he was enthusiastic in his persecution of Roman Catholics and other religions. He also believed very strongly in the reality of evil. He led hunts for witches, werewolves,… and vampires." I watched as her entire body tensed at the word, vampire. Perhaps her self preservation mode was finally kicking in. "They burned a lot of innocent people – of course the real creatures that he sought were not so easy to catch. When the pastor grew old, he placed his obedient son in charge of the raids. At first Carlisle was a disappointment; he was not quick to accuse, to see demons where they did not exist. But he was persistent, and cleverer than his father. He actually discovered a coven of true vampires that lived hidden in the sewers of the city, only coming out by night to hunt. In those days, when monsters were not just myths and legends that was the way many lived." _It was the way many still lived._ "The people gathered their pitchforks and torches, of course," The idea of this caused me to chuckle. _Like something out of a modern day monster movie._ "And waited where Carlisle had seen the monsters exit into the street. Eventually one emerged." Her eyes were large now, like a small child listening to a bedtime story. I continued on in a softer more respectful tone, thinking of poor Carlisle and the pain he encountered during his change. "He must have been ancient, and weak with hunger. Carlisle heard him call out in Latin to the others when he caught the scent of the mob. He ran through the streets, and Carlisle, - he was twenty- three and very fast – was in the lead of the pursuit. The creature could have easily outrun them, but Carlisle thinks he was too hungry, so he turned and attacked. He fell on Carlisle first, but the others were close behind, and he turned to defend himself. He killed two men, and made off with a third, leaving Carlisle bleeding in the street." I stopped, I had to keep the knowledge of the excruciating burn from her. She mustn't know the torturous pain our venom inflicts upon its victims. I would keep this knowledge from her for all of eternity. She would never know that kind of pain as long as I was near. I looked down to my feet, shuffling them slightly like an uncomfortable human would and I continued Carlisle's tale. "Carlisle knew what his father would do. The bodies would be burned – anything infected by the monster must be destroyed. Carlisle acted instinctively to save his own life. He crawled away from the alley while the mob followed the fiend and his victim. He hid in a cellar, buried himself in rotting potatoes for three days. It's a miracle he was able to keep silent, to stay undiscovered." I looked back into her eyes, still large, her brown eyes held nothing but compassion for Carlisle's plight, and her mouth was slightly agape from the shock of his ordeal. "It was over then, and he realized what he had become."

"How are you feeling?" I asked her curiously.

"I'm fine." She assured me, more questions burning behind those mocha eyes. Her lack of fear and abundance of concern made me smile.

"I expect you have a few more questions for me."

"A few." She smirked, causing my smile to widen more.

I took her hand and led her back down the hall, "Well come on then," I tugged, "I'll show you." I would let her learn our history from the resident historian himself, Carlisle.

I led her to Carlisle's office, pausing outside the door to await Carlisle's invitation.

"Come in," Carlisle called. I opened the door, and heard Bella quietly gasp at the enormity of his office. _Perhaps she still was expecting coffins_, I thought. Carlisle's office was very magnificent; Esme had worked very hard designing it for him. The entire west wall was lined with windows. The east wall was lined with floor to ceiling mahogany bookshelves. The remaining walls were lined with the same ornate paneling as the hallway, full of frames displaying Carlisle's various diplomas, PhD's, and centuries' worth of ancient images. A large mahogany desk sat in the center of the room. Carlisle was seated in his large leather office chair behind his desk, placing a bookmark between the pages of the book he was reading before we interrupted.

"What can I do for you?" he asked pleasantly.

"I wanted to show Bella some of our history. Well, actually, your history." I explained.

"We didn't mean to disturb you," Bella apologized.

"Not at all," Carlisle invited. "Where are you going to start?" _She's very sweet Edward, thoughtful. She's good for you_, Carlisle thought. I smiled and nodded slightly, acknowledging him.

"The Waggoner." I replied, placing my hand lightly on Bella's shoulder and turning her to face the wall of frames behind us. I heard her heart begin to flutter with my touch, and it made me smile. The heat radiated from her body, and I was sure my touch felt ice cold to her; I hoped that if my heart could still beat, mine would beat like hers when we touched too. I grabbed her hand and pulled her gently to the left side of the wall, our beginning.


	14. Chapter 14

OK OK OK I totally owe you all apologies... I haven't posted in a VERY long time. And I feel terrible... I truly do. But I have a good excuse. I have been fighting the worst illness of my life. I'm finally feeling better, 3 courses of meds and 2 months later. I apologize. And again I apologize because this chapter isnt exactly epic, its kind of a filler. But I promise I'm writing, I have a whole bunch written, but I havent gotten through proofing it all. And let me tell you, writing while you tired, sick, coughing and sneezing, with a fever over 100 and no sleep and your throat is on fire, you can truly relate to the whole vampires throat burning thing, BUT your sentences don't always end up coherent. So here is one chapeter, I'm trying to hurry, bear with me, because I'm also going out of town later this week. I will try really hard to get the base ball game done for your next update. I love you all thank you for the wonderful reviews, they kept me going! Enjoy, and I promise to hurry!

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I placed Bella in front of a small wooden square frame that held an ancient oil painting. I could tell she was slightly taken aback by the small canvas. I could only assume she was expecting something on a more grand scale. After all, it's not everyday a vampire family tree begins. The image was devoid of color, done mostly in varying sepia tones, illustrating a miniature city protected by a large river in the foreground, and accessed by a small wooden bridge.

"London in the sixteen-fifties," I pointed out to her. I heard Carlisle rise from his seat and cross the room to observe my retelling. He kept his distance, so not to frighten Bella.

"The London of my youth." Carlisle added. He must have startled Bella, because I felt her jump and her heart race at the sound of his voice. I squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"Will you tell the story?" I asked Carlisle. I felt like a small child asking this of him, but it was his story after all, and no one would recount it as well as he could.

Bella glanced back at him and he met her gaze with a fatherly smile. "I would, but I'm actually running a bit late. The hospital called this morning – Dr. Snow is taking a sick day. Besides, you know the stories as well as I do," he grinned at me. _ Besides, I think you may need some time alone_, He responded in thought. He smiled warmly at Bella one last time. _Bring her home again Edward_, he thought as he left the room. I looked back to Bella who still had hold of my cold hand; her eyes were back on the painting.

"What happened then?" She asked as she turned to look back at me catching me in the act of staring at her. "When he realized what had happened to him?" I looked back at the wall, to the next painting in Carlisle's history, a dull mountainous piece. This was a dark time in his history.

"When he knew what he had become, he rebelled against it." I answered her solemnly. "He tried to destroy himself. But that's not easily done."

"How?" She asked. I could tell that she regretted asking and a slight shade of pink flooded her cheeks. .

"He jumped from great heights; he tried to drown himself in the ocean…" My voice trailed off. Her eyes were on me now, almost in disbelief of what I was telling her. "But he was young to the new life, and very strong. It is amazing that he was able to resist…" _Choose your words carefully,_ I thought. "…Feeding… while he was so new. The instinct is more powerful then, it takes over everything. But he was so repelled by himself that he had the strength to try and kill himself with starvation."

"Is that possible?" Her voice was faint. I wasn't sure if it was her fear or her fear for me that made her sound so fragile.

"No, there are very few ways we can be killed." I watched as she opened her luscious lips to ask another question, and though I couldn't read her mind, I knew exactly what she was going to ask, so I continued my tale.

"So he grew hungry, and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he could from the human populace, recognizing that his willpower was weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest places, loathing himself." I looked into Bella's eyes and they held nothing but sympathy for Carlisle's plight. "One night, a herd of deer passed his hiding place. He was so wild with thirst that he attacked without a thought. His strength returned and he realized there was and alternative to being the vile monster that he feared. Had he not eaten venison in his former life? Over the next months his new philosophy was born. He could exist without becoming a demon. He found himself again." I was beginning to understand how Carlisle felt. I glanced over at Bella's porcelain profile. Her brown eyes were wide with wonder. I too felt like I had found myself again when I looked into her eyes. I continued to regale her with Carlisle's tale.

"He began to make better use of his time. He'd always been intelligent, eager to learn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He studied by night, planned by day. He swam to France and…"

"He swam to France?" Bella interjected with a stunned look upon her face.

"People swim the channel all the time, Bella." I reminded her with a small smirk.

"That's true, I guess. It just sounded funny in that context. Go on." She urged, a pale pink blush of embarrassment washed across her creamy cheeks.

"Swimming is easy for us –"

"Everything is easy for you," she rolled her eyes making me smile. Not everything came that easy, our love would be proof of that alone.

"I won't interrupt again, I promise." She offered as she raised her right hand in the air. I laughed at her attempt to be still.

"Because," I continued. "We don't need to breathe."

"You –"

"No, no, you promised." I laughed, placing a solitary finger on her warm tender lips. I could see all of the questions stirring in her head. "Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"You can't spring something like that on me, and then expect me not to say anything." She mumbled her soft red lips moving lightly against my finger. I removed my finger from her lips and traced the contours down her face and rested my hand upon her neck, making her heart race.

"You don't have to breathe?" she inquired again.

"No, it's not necessary. Just a habit." I shrugged.

"How long can you go… without breathing?"

"Indefinitely, I suppose; I don't know. It gets a bit uncomfortable – being without a sense of smell." Being the ultimate predator, we relied highly on our sense of smell to find our prey and sensing danger, being without it I could only liken to being blind for a human.

"A bit uncomfortable," Bella echoed softly. I gazed at her for a moment, her face adorned with a look of wonder and astonishment, not fear like a small part of me hoped. She had no sense of self preservation, no fear. The piece of me that longed for humanity and a soul was glad to welcome her reaction to our truth. However the larger piece of me was begging her to run, run far and fast and not to look back. If she would not safeguard her own humanity, I would have to do that for her. I lowered my hands from her neck, my face growing somber, watching her, waiting for reality to strike.

"What is it?" She whispered, placing her blazing fingertips upon my cheek. Her touch ignited the fire within me, I couldn't stop my gaze from softening as I looked into her eyes and witnessed only love and concern. How long would this last, eventually, she would realize I was a monster. Soon she would see the real me, the worlds most perfect predator, and I wanted her blood. Soon she would see the truth and she would leave, taking my heart with her and leaving it in small pieces trailing behind her. I would not survive losing her, I knew this already.

"I keep waiting for it to happen."

"For what to happen?" She looked puzzled.

"I know at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run from me, screaming as you go." I stopped, smiling weakly at her before I looked deep into her eyes. "I won't stop you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile…" I waited. I wanted her to run, to save herself from a lifetime of my own personal evils, let her be happy. I was willing to be miserable, to allow her the happiness that intimacy, a husband, and children would bring her.

"I'm not running anywhere," she promised. And looking into her eyes, I believed her.

"We'll see," I answered, smiling at her.


End file.
